So yeah, there’s a Persona 4 porno, that’s old news. It doesn’t really surprise me, there’s stranger hentai in Japan, and considering the school setting, the fact that you can date any girl, just… yeah, not surprised at all. I’m not upset by it, I mean, cosplay porn is a thing in Japan, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t own doujin, or hentai, or have a zillion not work safe pictures in a folder on my laptop. So, yeah, P4 porno, sure. I’m morbidly curious, so let’s go for it!
Now granted, I didn’t expect it to be GOOD! No. No way. I mostly thought I’d be like, “Har har har,” and, “Naoto’s kinda cute,” and that’s it.
I didn’t even make it THAT far!
Since I know most of the fandom who’s watching this thing will have one, here’s my, “Chibi tries to watch the P4 porn,” story.
Me: *looks at the title*
Me: Why not Pornsona, or Spermsona, or just… all right, thinking too much. Let’s DO this!
Me: *looks at the Souji actor*
Me: BWUHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHA!
Me: All right, for real, let’s do this!
Me: *watches as the opening starts*
Me: BWUAHAHAHAHA!!! THAT OPENING! OMG! Just… the music, the poses, the… who are these random DUDES?! Just… BWUHAHAHAHA!
Me: *dies again*
Me: All right. For real. Let’s. Do. THIS!
Me: *watches first couple of minutes*
Me: All right, the Chie is kinda cute.
Me: Way to take advantage of the tight shorts, 40 year old Souji.
Me: WHY IS THE ACTOR SO OLD?! Just… no, nope! I’m gonna do this!
Me: *watches Souji snap his fingers*
Me: What is he…
Me: *watches as scissors float down from the sky into Souji’s hand like a arcana card, then watches Souji cut a hole in Chie’s shorts*
Me: What the…
Me: BWUHAHAHAHAHAHA *collapses and dies*
Me: You know what let’s just skip to Naoto.
Me: Why is her hat so light blue o.k.?!
Me: Maybe I’ll have better luck with-
Me: *watches Naoto move her gun over her body and lick it like a popsicle*
Me: … all righty, then *hits pause and lets self die*
Me: *forces self to watch more*
Me: *watches Naoto pull out a vibrator*
Me: What the… what?! Does she just keep it in case of… no, no there’s no… and just…
Me: ALL RIGHT THIS IS PISSING ME OFF WHO IS THIS RANDOM DUDE?!
Me: And… WHAT?!
Me: Scissors, again?! And… o.k. this is going to bug me the entire time WHY DID SHE HAVE A VIBRATOR?! DID SHE SUMMON IT?! WHAT THE—
Me: Yep, time to die again *dies*
Me: Let’s skip to Rise.
Me: Cuz… I dunno anymore.
Me: *watches Rise cling to 40 year old Souji*
Me: … nope
Me: *skips some Rise scene*
Me: All right, I guess, not too bad-
Me: All right, what’s with the addiction to her butt hole?!
Me: Just… is there… I mean…
Me: Yukiko, maybe-
Me: *watches more 40 year old Souji*
Me: Everytime I see him no matter what he’s saying I’m going to be thinking he’s a school teacher taking advantage of a student and the only male teacher I know in P4 is…
Me: *imagines buck teeth*
Me: *imagines pinstriped suit*
Me: … d-d-damn brats… *dies again*
Me: *skips Yukiko scene completely because I can’t do it anymore* Hey look end credits!
Me: *hears music*
Me: *sees dramatic pose*
Me: PFFT! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Me: *dies again*
All right, in conclusion… yeah, it’s bad. I mean it’s like… sort of admirable that they tried to replicate the opening and ending? I… guess? And the whole status screen thing, sure, points for that.
But… just… what?!
First of all, why so many random dudes?! Souji is really only with Chie and Yukiko, but considering how he looks… nooooooo complaints on THAT!
I’m guessing the random dude with Rise was her manager? Random dude with Naoto is… I dunno, he’s got a tattoo on his chest so… fuck if I know. If you’re going to have random dudes, at least have them be part of the team or something? Bleach the dude’s hair who’s with Naoto and call him Kanji, or… fuck if I know.
And why is this taking place in April?! But that’s just me being picky, lol. You get the feeling that someone maybe watched one episode of the anime, looked up some fanart, and read a wiki article and decided, “PORNO GO!”
So, will I ever finish the porno? No. I don’t think I could make it through the whole thing, at least not in one sitting, or two sittings, or ten sittings. It’s best to watch it with someone (or someones) who will laugh hysterically at it.
And if you don’t want to watch it, at LEAST watch the opening, because… wow.