So while talking to my wifey last night we came up with a series of shorts for a book series we’re calling “My Roommate’s Name Is.” In my head, they would be comics, but since I don’t have any comic drawing skills I’m writing it out. So here’s the first part to the series!
Story One: “Steve”
Chapter One: “My Roommate is Noisy at Night and I Can’t Read My Comic Book”
Summary: Micah has a roommate who is noisy at night, therefore, he can’t read his comic book.
Warnings: NSFW overall due to sexual content (both heterosexual and LGBT) and possible violence.
Word Count: 902
Customer service is a misleading name. While it’s true that I provide a service, I’m not sure if the people I forcefully smile at should be considered customers. The word customer implies that the rude blob in front of me has human characteristics. I suppose bitchiness and the unwillingness to read the return policy are unfortunate qualities of my fellow man, so, sigh, “customer service” it is.
Thankfully, it’s not a long shift: eight hours instead of the twelve I had to work yesterday thanks to holiday season and extended store hours. Some people would tell me to take advantage of the extra hours. More money to buy Christmas presents for my loved ones. I suppose my beloved television could use a new game system, but is the next Playstation really worth my sanity? Tis the season, as they say – and I know they say that because the store’s overhead soundtrack is Christmas themed. Chestnuts roasting, silent nights, and unwanted pop remixes of Yuletide cheer.
I decide to reward myself for surviving another work day with drive-thru cuisine. I thank the higher powers for freshly cooked fries and the accidental addition to a twenty-first nugget in my twenty-pack. Maybe there really is a Santa Claus, I just have to believe.
By the time I get to my apartment the fries are already in my stomach. The nuggets will be my bedside company with my large Coke and the comic book that’s been sitting on my dresser all week. I’ve been too tired to read after work, but with the shorter shift I can now immerse myself with superheroes and villains. When I get to my room I quickly discard my work clothes and toss them in the corner. I have to put them back on tomorrow morning, so they might as well remain crumpled on the floor. Now dressed in loose boxer shorts, I’m ready to become intimate with my bed.
Moan.
Moooan.
Ah, my roommate has company.
So far, it’s not that bad. The moaning is under control and isn’t loud enough to be annoying. I snuggle under my blankets and begin reading my beloved comic. Oh Batman, you really are the hero that Gotham deserves.
Moan.
Moooan.
MOAN!
MOOOAN!
I take a deep breath and try to remain focused. Batman’s fighting off some henchmen, trying to find the whereabouts of the Clown Prince of Crime.
MOAN!!!
SCREAM!!!
SCREAM!!!
Normally, I would turn to my headphones and crank up music to block the sounds. Normally, I would let some song lull me away from the screaming in the next room. But today is different. I’ve had a two day marathon of retail hell and have to do it all over again tomorrow. I’ve been yelled at. I’ve been talked down to. I’ve had to smile when unhappy and laugh at situations that weren’t funny. I will not be subjected to screaming tonight.
I will read my comic book and Batman will protect Gotham.
I get out of bed, march out the door, and head to my roommate’s room. The shrieking continues from inside, invading my ears worse than the Christmas music had been doing earlier. Without giving it a second thought I throw the door open and shout, “Steve! Keep it down!”
Steve, my roommate, turns to look at me and lets out a low snarl. “I’m a little busy, Micah.”
The higher powers have given me another gift for surviving the day. My roommate is naked and unintentionally giving me quite the show. He’s made of perfectly sculpted back muscles and has a nice, firm ass that seductively reminds me of how attractive he is. I take another second to gaze upon him before I speak up again. “I have had a long day,” I say to him. “I have had a long two days and I have to do it all over again tomorrow.”
“Can’t you just put on your headphones?”
“Can’t you just show me some respect and keep things quiet?”
“HELP ME!”
The woman beneath Steve tries to crawl from underneath him. She’s naked, and her long, blonde hair is tangled from their earlier bedroom activities. Steve has a tight hold on her as he leans forward and gently kisses her lips. “Shhh. My roommate and I are having a conversation.”
“GET AWAY FROM ME!”
“The more you struggle, the more you’re going to bleed.”
I sigh as the woman, predictably, screams louder. “Steve, please?”
“Fine, fine,” he says, then without warning he dives forward and sinks his teeth into her neck. I can hear her neck snapping from the pressure, her eyes growing hazy before they slip shut. Steve continues to drink from her, a thin trail of blood sliding down her neck and over her bare skin. He pulls back and she falls lifelessly onto his bed. “Happy now?” He licks his lips and looks disappointed. “It’s no fun to rush a meal, I’ve told you that.”
“Well sometimes we only have time for a twenty pack of nuggets.”
“What?”
“Nothing. We can talk more about this in the morning before I go to work.”
“Micah, you know I hate the daytime.”
“Well so do I. Deal with it,” then I step out of his room and close the door. I lean back against the wall and take a deep breath, rubbing my forehead with my fingers.
My roommate’s name is Steve. He’s a vampire.