A little write up on fat women and sex inspired by Empire. Under the cut because it’s kind of NSFW.

I should preface this by saying that I’m not caught up on Empire, but I have plenty of friends that are who post about episodes. More importantly, they post about people’s reactions to said episodes.

So let’s talk about season 2, episode 6, shall we? Or more specifically: Becky. Becky, in case you don’t know, is portrayed by actress Gabourey Sibide, who you may recognize from movies like “Precious” or shows like “American Horror Story.” On the show she’s an executive assistant to Lucious (Terrence Howard) but has since been promoted to A&R.

Oh, and she’s dating an artist who goes by “J Poppa.”

Speaking of which, I have one message for Becky about her relationship: lift that leg, girl!

Apparently, people are throwing a fit because the fat girl got some love. But it’s not just the fact that she got love, it’s the way she got love. It’s not an, “Oh pity me, for I am fat and incapable of love,” moment. It’s a, “We’re about to have sex,” moment. You know, the kind of blunt and unapologetic moment that most couples have unless if one, or both, are fat? According to popular media, fat characters need to go through the insecure baby steps before they even let a partner hold their hand.

I’m going to level with you here. Those insecure baby steps do happen. That is a legit thing with some fat girls. It was a legit thing with me. “No one is going to love me, let alone want to touch me.” I remember feeling that. I remember telling myself what I could and could not wear when I went out on a date. Nothing too tight – in fact, the looser the better. Nothing that showed my arms and definitely nothing that showed my legs. I remember insisting that the lights were off when we were about to have the sex. I remember not even considering morning sex because the sun is out and you can see everything. And the media is fine with showing that… and nothing else. They’ll show the insecurity but not the confident aftermath. Well, not the sexual aftermath. Maybe they’ll reward the audience with some implications: the lights being turned off, the bed squeaking, maybe a kiss and a happily ever after. But sex? Actual “we’re going to go and do the thing” without having to use your imagination? That’s a rarity. It’s been a while since we had a Dan and Roseanne Conner who wouldn’t sugarcoat what was about to go down. It’s been a while since shows like “Living Single” portrayed dark skinned ladies who weren’t all skinny being seen as attractive, successful, and sexual. And sure, we have sitcoms like “Mike and Molly,” but the mere thought of those two kissing has apparently disgusted people before.

And then, on “Empire,” Becky lifted that leg.

Becky – dark skinned, large, and lovely Becky – not only got it on with J Poppa, but that wasn’t even the first round. See that big ol’ thigh? That thigh knows what it’s doing. That thigh is here to show us that fat girls can be desirable on their own terms. That thigh is here to tell people to stop thinking that fat girls can’t seduce a partner into bed. We are more than the “no one will ever love me” fat girl. We’re here. We’re sexy. We can do the thing, and guess what? We do the thing often. Despite what some critics might tell you, our size doesn’t mean we can’t move around enough to have sex. We’re not going to crush our partners. We’re not struggling to lift that leg.    

But you know what was truly great about that scene? It was treated like a normal occurrence. She’s not questioning herself. She’s not insecure about her size. She’s not asking him, “Are you sure you want to do this with me?” And he doesn’t have to give her words of comfort. In fact, you know what he is comforting her about? Her job. They’re having a normal conversation about work – you know, a conversation that couples actually have? She has a new boss and she’s concerned about it. She’s laying there, fresh after sex, saying she has to get up early and deal with this new guy. And he comforts her about her standing at that job. She’s got this. No need to worry – about work, not sex. There are no sexual concerns here. Not only does he enjoy it, but she enjoys it. She wants it. She knows that she can have it.

And you know what? A lot of fat girls will tell you that. They’re in relationships, sexual relationships, and lifting that leg and having seconds and thirds and loving every minute of it. And when they’re in bed, they’re not having second thoughts because of their size. Have they before, in their lifetime? Sure, maybe, but so what? Who hasn’t been worried in those first quiet moments in bed with a partner? It’s just that the media has to drill that in with the fat girl as if it’s a rare feat for anyone to want to be near her, let alone kiss her, let alone undress her, let alone feel her leg around their waist.

So yes, I’m here for this. I’m here for Becky. I’m here for that leg lift. I’m here to see fat girls treated like normal girls. I’m here to see fat girls having normal couple conversations in bed. I’m here to see them talk about going at it again. Because that image is more common than the media lets on and it’s time for media to start reflecting that.    

So lift that leg, girl!