culkinator:

wait

you want to have the crap repeatedly kicked out of you and build a fence and paint a house and break your leg just to win a competition one time

and then have your girlfriend dump you so you follow your old man best friend to Japan where some douche tries to kill you both repeatedly

And babysit some kids cuz your boyfriend stood you up and end up in the middle of Chicago while you try to save your bff Kimmie Gibler who’s stuck at a bus stop?  Only to end up meeting a man with a hook for a hand, stumble into a car jacking, meet a car jacking crime organization, sing the blues with some of the only black people in the 80s, run into a gang on the subway, watch 15-year-old get stabbed in the foot, go to a frat party, meet Thor (ok that part’s cool I don’t even…), and watch a 9-year-old slide down the side of the tallest fucking building ever?

Oh and find said boyfriend cheating on you at Chez Restaurante for cheaters.  Don’t worry, the 15-year-old you’re babysitting will gladly be your rebound.