OMG YOU GUYS A HEADCANON!  Am I slipping back into fandom?  WHO KNOWS! 

So I had this thought today while I sat at my work desk, which is the best place to have fandom thoughts?  What if Naoto had a completely different reason to keep up her secret?  Yes yes, all of the canon reasons of course, but… what if Kanji Tatsumi – who seems to be attracted to boys – gave her one more?

Warnings:  Worksafe, a mesh of game and anime moments, kinda an AU sort of(?), using the pronounhefor Naoto for a while, cuteness, confusion(?), me doing headcanons again(?) because it makes the angst of my actual story less… angsty?

***

“I’m interested in you.”

“W-what?”

It occurs to Naoto Shirogane that by saying that he may have implied something else completely.  The way Kanji Tatsumi’s face becomes flushed is definitely a sign that “I’m interested in you” means something other than “I’m interested in asking you about the murder case.”

To test this out he decides to add, “Yes, I find you incredible intriguing.”

Tatsumi-kun’s face manages to turn even redder, the tall boy looking incredibly flustered.  After the two make arrangements to meet after school tomorrow, it occurs to Naoto that this boy is getting so flustered by him while still believing that he is a boy!  And why shouldn’t he believe it?  He’s presented himself as a young male, after all, but he had never once thought that someone would be attracted to him because of it.

As Naoto Shirogane, the boy detective, walks off with his hands shoved in his pockets he catches something else that Tatsumi-kun says.

“He’s a guy.  And I’m a guy.  And he’s interested in me?”

And Naoto – despite his best efforts not to – ends up smiling for the entire day.

***

When Kanji – my, how informal so quickly, Shirogane – goes missing, Naoto tries not to worry.  It’s not like he has a crush on him or anything, though before they had met up he does remember trying to get all of the wrinkles out of his favorite pair of pants.  After their failed get together he had hoped that they could talk again.  Somehow, Naoto had ended up calling him “weird,” and that had touched some sort of nerve.  It wasn’t that he was weird per say, his reactions were just… he didn’t – and still doesn’t – know how to engage a boy who has a crush on him.

Him, who is really a-

… nevermind that for now.

So Naoto stands by the elevator in Junes, hoping to maybe run into Kanji, or something.  Going past the textiles shop hadn’t worked, and Junes was really the only other place in this town to go.

Instead, he runs into the very same people who had walked into the textile shop the other day.

How curious.

***

Once the case comes to a close Naoto’s a little sad.  It ends much quicker than he had been expected, and it’s anticlimactic at that because the killer just gives himself up.  He thinks there’s more to it.  In fact, he thinks it’s stupid that no one else on the police force sees it – except for Dojima-san, maybe, but definitely not that idiot Adachi.  At this point he also thinks that children shouldn’t get themselves involved.

Nevermind the fact that one of those children is his crush – not crush, not crush!

Of course, the group of investigator wannabes decide to band together and say crude things to him about his work, but he rolls with the punches because that’s what he’s use to. 

Though it does sting a little when Kanji looks so irritated with him. 

So he’s a bit surprised when he runs into Kanji on his way home, the much taller boy dressed in a grim reaper tank top and pants.

“About… what we said back there…”

“Oh, it is quite all right, there is no need to apologize,” but there’s an annoying flutter in his heart now because Kanj had wanted to try and make things right.

“Well… yeah, there is, cuz you’re right.  You put a lot of work into this, yeah?  And now that it’s over people just throw ya away.”

“Yes well, such is the life of a detective.”

“Ain’t much of a life, if ya ask me.”

Naoto frowns, crossing his arms at his chest, “Is there something wrong with my life?”

“N-no, no no!  I ain’t mean it like that, I just… I mean… don’t ya got somethin’ else to do now that the case is over?  Ya don’t just depend on stuff like that, right?  Ya got friends or somethin’, or school, right?” 

“… no.”

Kanji frowns, rubbing the back of his head, “I at least thought a smart guy like you would be in school.”

“I… was just here for the case.”

“So ya gonna leave just like that?”

“I…”

“I-I mean I guess ya could, if ya wanted, but… well… I-I would… I-I mean it’s cool, yeah?  If ya stick around.”

“I… yes, I suppose that would be cool, as you say.”

***

It’s the talk of the school, weeks later, when a certain detective prince becomes a student.

Though said prince hasn’t expected to get such a… welcoming(?)… welcome? 

All of the love letters are absolute garbage, not something he’s remotely interested in. 

… except for the one with the penguin sticker.

Studies have shown that one Kanji Tatsumi likes penguins, or at least, is in search of a penguin in his animal cracks.  Naoto doesn’t get it, but if that’s what his boyfriend likes…

… whoa.

What he means to say is…

… no… perhaps, he does mean it.  At least, he wants to mean it.  And it’s obvious to him that Kanji wants him to mean it, too.  Though if they were to get close, how exactly would he explain…

… no, no, there is nothing to explain.  Naoto Shirogane is a boy that Kanji Tatsumi likes.  End of story.

***

Oh, what a marvelous coincidence, Kanji has arrived at the same club he is at with his friends.

… not that… Naoto was quietly following after them at some points during their trip so he could find out where they were going.

It’s for detective work!  Yes! 

Because there is no way the case is over!  

So it is best to sit at the bar and look cool, sipping on a drink, and attracting the attention of-

Yes!  He is blushing!  Most excellent indeed, Shirogane.

Though he’s not quite sure if it’s worth the hassle of dealing with a group of drunkards – there’s still no alcohol in the drinks!  It also turns out to be a bust when Naoto does decide to ask questions about the case and gets ridiculous answers about televisions and personas. 

Somehow, he gets roped into helping a very drunk – not drunk – Rise Kujikawa back to her room.  By help they mean just walk with Kanji while he carries her, please and Naoto gives in.  Kujikawa-san stays fast asleep the entire trek back to the hotel, “Not like she’s heavy,” Kanji says.

“It is still annoying.”

“Yeah, I guess,” then he smiles down at Naoto, “Thanks for walkin’ with me though.”

“Oh, right… o-of course,” thank goodness it’s dark outside or Kanji might be able to see the blush.  Though if he did see it, he could always blame it on the drinks – which are still, to this day, non-alcoholic. 

When Kanji lays Kujikawa-san on her bed she immediately curls up in the bright, pink sheets.  Naoto really wonders about this Kashiwagi-sensei and her idea of proper locations for students to spend the night.

“Well, I guess we should call it a night,” Kanji says.

“I… yes, I suppose so.”

“Why?  What were ya thinkin’ of?”

“N-nothing, just… it… seems like a waste to end the last night of the trip like this.”

“Ya mean with supposedly drunk, idiot friends?”

Naoto smiles, “Yes, that whole thing.”

“Well… there is one way we could end it…”

“Oh?”

At that moment Naoto Shirogane wonders if it’s strange that his first kiss is from a boy who thinks that she’s a boy – she is a boy, damnit!  Kanji’s lips are soft and hesitant, not at all like his outward appearance.  Naoto starts to moan into the kiss but forces himself not to, not quite sure if he can keep his voice in control.  He can speak like a boy, but he’s never really had to moan like a boy – how do they moan, anyway?  Is it any different at all? 

In fact, is he even kissing Kanji properly?  Do boys kiss in a different way?  He never, ever thought he would need to know these things.  All he had been concerned about is solving the case, but now this Kanji Tatsumi person has come along and thrown absolutely everything out of the window.

When Kanji breaks the kiss he’s blushing, rubbing the back of his head and fidgeting, “So… t-that was… a-a-a thought on what we could-”

“Do it again.”

And so Kanji does, the two standing outside of Rise Kujikawa’s room, kissing one another. 

***

“How will this turn out, I wonder,” Naoto whispers as he turns his back on the group of high school students who had been trying to catch a killer.  It’s clear to him, absolutely, that the case isn’t over, and as nice as it is to spend moments kissing Kanji he does have a job to do.

It’s no surprise to him when he hears Kanji running up behind him, grabbing onto his arm, “What are ya plannin’ on doin’, Naoto!”

“Catching the killer.”

“But… b-but we… I-I-I mean, h-he’s been-”

“It is not that boy.  And deep down, you know that, too.”

“But… b-but this is stupid!  You can’t do this alone!”

“I was under the impression that I was no longer alone,” Naoto says, smiling up at Kanji.

Kanji’s eyes widen and his cheeks turn red, “T-that ain’t fair!  Just because I like ya don’t mean that you get to do stupid shit like this!”

“So you will not be helping me if I am in need of assistance?”

“It… i-it’s just… there’s more to this than ya think!”

“Then tell me.”

“You… y-you ain’t gonna believe-”

“That persona nonsense?”

“I… just… please don’t do this, Naoto.”

“You once asked me if I depended on this life of solving cases.  Before, when you asked me, the answer had been yes.  Now I know that the answer is no,” Naoto smiles and pushes himself up on his toes, kissing Kanji’s cheek, “I do not depend on it, but I still need to do it.  I just know now that I do not have to do it alone,” then he steps away from Kanji, walking off, “If you all are the dependable group I believe you to be, then you will be there to help me.”

And Kanji frowns, clenching his fists at his side, “You bet your ass we will be.”

***

Next time, Naoto thinks, when someone tells him about a world inside the television he is going to absolutely believe them.  Thankfully, the group has shown up, and he can finally leave this pathetic copy of himself behind.

Then said copy of himself starts spouting about not wanting to be alone.  He frowns, he knows he’s not alone anymore, Kanji Tatsumi has proven that wholeheartedly. 

But then said copy of himself starts spouting out about manly things, and gender, and Naoto can feel his eyes widening as he slowly shakes his head.  He quickly runs over to his doppelganger, grabbing it around the collar of its lab coat.  It’s the one secret he never, ever wants anyone to hear about – least of all Kanji.  They’ve established this relationship with one another, but they’ve established it under the pretense of being two boys who liked one another.  Of course, one day, Naoto would have to tell the truth, right?  If they are going to be intimate in any way besides kissing, though he could possibly stave Kanji off for a bit.  And if this was going to ever go beyond a high school crush, Kanji would have to be told the truth about who Naoto really is.

Though now is not the time.  Now, in this twisted laboratory, with Kanji and the others watching from several televisions screens, is not the time to reveal that truth.  Now is not the time for Naoto to have to go into detail about how weak she feels, how she doesn’t compare to the men she’s surrounded by on a daily basis.  Now is not the time to explain that feeling she always had when taking on a case as a woman, how they made you cry, didn’t they? because Naoto the teenage girl was seen as an incapable being of lesser value. 

And now is not the time when Naoto wants to worry about how Kanji is going to feel about all of this.  His attraction and feelings were towards a boy.  The lips he kissed were those of a young boy. 

Is he going to feel the same if he finds out-

“You were never male to begin with.”

And just like that, Naoto’s world comes crashing down.

***

Being strapped to an operating table is not the way Naoto envisioned her day going.  Watching a strange, half robot version of herself flying around and terrorizing a group of teenagers also isn’t the way she had planned her afternoon. 

Though the robot looks a little cool… too bad it’s trying to operate on everything it sees.

There’s no one left to take a stand against said robot and Naoto’s starting to feel that, wow, this is how her life is going to end.  An alternate version of herself killing off the only boy she’s ever liked.

He’s ever liked, she guesses, but not that it matters anymore.

To further her humiliation, Super Robot-kun decides to go into a monologue about Naoto Shirogane’s pathetic existence.  No friends, no respect, nothing to her name but a couple of cases solved – as a boy, no less, not as her true self.  She likes to think that she’s not the giving up type, but there doesn’t seem to really be a need to try and fight back. 

Until the rocks begin to rumble and a giant, black metal thing – persona, it’s called a persona apparently, thank you not drunk Yukiko-senpai – emerges, followed by the loudest boy that Naoto’s ever met.

Naoto tries to turn her head so she can look at Kanji, her eyes widening when the giant persona actually throws a steel bar at her robot self.  Leave it to Kanji to fight with whatever he’s got available – oops, there goes a large rock.

Eventually, Souji-senpai uses some sort of sorcery to create a large, bug like creature that decides to hell with it, I’m going to blow the laboratory up.  In seconds Naoto is being broken free by Kanji’s large persona, its large hands gently scooping her up with all of the delicate care in the world.  Kanji quickly runs over to her and Naoto ends up stumbling into his arms – argh, so pathetic! 

“Don’t worry, I’ll get ya outta here!”

Naoto just nods, holding onto Kanji as she whispers, “… sorry.”

“Sorry?  For what?  Not believin’ me about all this?  Don’t worry, I wouldn’t believe it either.”

“No, for… being a girl.”

Kanji rolls his eyes, “Stupid thing to be sorry for,” he says, quickly running for the door, “What, ya think I ain’t gonna like ya anymore?”

“T-the thought had crossed my-”

“Can’t hear ya!”

“Oh, I suppose the lab is exploding…”

“Naw, it ain’t that.  I just refuse to listen to your stupid reasoning!”

“W-what?!  I-it is a perfectly good reason!  You are attracted to boys!”

“No, I am attracted to you!”  Kanji makes it outside with Naoto just as the lab explodes.  Naoto holds onto him tightly, glancing back as the building completely erupts into smoke and fire, the smoke filtering up into the bizarre red and black sky.

“Wait, your persona… creature… it was still inside…”

“Naw, he disappears when I tell him to, don’t worry,” then Kanji sets Naoto down, raising an eyebrow, “So when were ya gonna tell me you’re a girl?”

“Hopefully never,” Naoto says, sitting down.  She suddenly feels extremely exhausted.

“That would have made things a bit difficult later down the road.”

“Not difficult, just…”

“Difficult.”

“I just… I thought this would ruin things,” Naoto whispers.

“I’ve been crushin’ on ya since I first saw ya.  I don’t really care either way… but you are a rather cute boy… and girl.”

Naoto smiles, “So are you… um… the boy part.”

“Right right,“ Kanji says, glancing away for a moment as he remembers a rather flamboyant part of himself that giggled like a school girl – a lot. "Of course this is the part where you have to accept that shadow, and admit to stuff ya ain’t gonna want to admit to.”

“Such as?”

Kanji frowns and raises an eyebrow at Naoto and she sighs, “Being a girl… right.”

“You really hate it that much?”

“I… have my reasons.”

“Well you can be whatever ya want around me, so… that helps a little, yeah?”

“Yes, it does,” then she stands up, taking a deep breath as she hears the others approaching her.  Up ahead, she can see the static filled mirror image of herself, lab coat too large and face sorrowful and sad, “… so… that really is me?”

“Yep,” Kanji says, “Don’t worry, all of us have had to do this,” then he puts a hand on her shoulder, “You ain’t alone in this.”

Before Naoto can smile she sees her shadow smiling happily from Kanji’s words, "No, I suppose I am not anymore.”