Another request done, whoo!  This time it’s for Simon Gannon, the wonderful husband of KrisRix.  He requested a Kanji and Yukiko story, which took me by surprise, but then I immediately got an idea  :)

Warnings:  Sometimes, lessons of acceptance are learned the hard way, and those lessons have the easiest answers.  

Urm… spoilers for Kanji’s dungeon, if… that’s even a spoiler anymore, followed by a bunch of notes at the end about my rambly Persona 4 thoughts.  

Thanks for requesting this, Simon!  It… ended up being a bit deeper than I meant for it to be  ^^;;;

***

When he walks down the hallways of Yasogami, hair a fresh bleached blonde with piercings that line his ear and nose, it takes Yukiko a moment to recognize him.  She hears the whispers that’s Kanji Tatsumi and she can’t believe it, it can’t possibly be him.

“Something wrong, Yukiko?”  Chie asks as they walk towards the front gates together.

“Hm?  Oh, no, just-”

She stops when she sees Kanji outside, leaning back against the wall, jacket slung over his shoulder.  Chie quickens her steps to walk past him, trying her best not to look directly at him.  Yukiko looks up at him, taking in the image in front of her.  Much too tall, shirt covered with a frightening skull that dares someone to do or say the wrong thing just so he’s got an excuse to bash their face in.  

Her voice is soft when she speaks to him, “Kanji?”

He looks down at her, all frowns and uninterest, a large scar covering the side of his forehead, “What?”  He grunts out.

“I-I just-”

“Yukiko, come on!”  Chie quickly grabs her arm and starts walking, laughing nervously up at Kanji before she moves as fast as she can down the sidewalk.  Once they’re both away from the boy she frowns up at Yukiko, “Are you crazy?!  Do you know who that is?!”

“… I use to,” she whispers.

“Huh?”

“Nothing,” she says quickly, “I need to get to the Inn.  We’ll talk later, o.k.?”  Then Yukiko takes off running, leaving Chie standing there, confused as to what just happened.

***

“Kanji dear, you’ll never guess who’s at the door.”

“Who?”

“It’s Yukiko.  You remember her, right dear?  Come on out and say hi.”

“I’m busy.”

“But Kanji-”

“I said I’m busy, Ma!”

Yukiko winces from where she’s standing at the shop door, watching as the elderly woman turns to face her, “I’m so sorry about that, dear, he’s been in such a mood lately.”

“I-it’s fine, really,” Yukiko says, “I’ll come back another time.”

***

“They say he beat up an entire biker gang!”  Yosuke says as they sit together at the food court.

“Yeah, I heard that too!  That guy is scary!”  Chie says.

Yukiko doesn’t say anything, quietly eating her tofu as her friends discuss the several hundred rumors surrounding Kanji Tatsumi.  Beating up a biker gang, becoming their leader, he’s the toughest kid in Inaba – hell, maybe all of Japan.  

“You o.k.?”  Souji asks, “You’ve been awfully quiet.”

“I… yeah, sorry, just tired I guess.”

“Are you still recovering from the Midnight Channel?  Did it wear you out that much?”  Chie asks, voice full of concern.

“N-no, I… well maybe,” she gives them an embarrassed look as she stands up, “I should get some rest.  I’ll talk to you all later,” then she walks off, leaving the rest of her tofu unattended.

***

“Kanji dear please…”

“I said no, Ma, now drop it!”

“I don’t remember him being this… angry…” Yukiko whispers.

The elder woman sighs, a sad look on her face, “He… well… it’s nothing to worry over, dear.”

“… right,” Yukiko whispers, “Take care, o.k.?”

“Yes of course, you too.”

***

The television is a sickly shade of yellow when it flips on.  It’s the first time Yukiko’s ever seen the Midnight Channel and the static and fog startles her.  Is this how it was when she was on there?

The image is hard to make out at first, but when she squints her eyes in just the right way she thinks she can see-

Oh no.

“Kanji…”

***

She’s not really paying attention to the meeting as everyone discusses what they all saw.  It boils down to Kanji, that much is certain, but no one seems to know what to do next.  She speaks up when she doesn’t mean to, “I use to know him,” she says, and it catches everyone’s attention.

“You said that before too,” Chie says.

“When did you ever know a thug like Kanji Tatsumi?”  Yosuke asks.

Yukiko frowns at the thug comment but says nothing about it, “When I was a little kid.  He was… way different back then.  His mother runs a textile shop.”

“Well then,” Souji says, standing up, “We should check it out.”

***

“I dunno, there’s something fishy about those two,” Chie says, watching with the others as Kanji fidgets in front of the small, mysterious boy who has his attention.

“Fishy?”

“Awwww look at!  The little guy carries around such a cute little bunny!”

“That’s for girls, Kanji!”

Yukiko blinks as she watches Kanji and the young man walk off, a sad frown on her face that no one else sees.

“No, it’s for Kanji, cuz he’s a girl!”

“Ha!  He totally is!”

“I am not!  Just leave me alone!”

“I dunno, just… this feeling I get,” Chie shrugs.

“Kinda weird if you ask me.”  Yosuke adds.

What she wants to say is that it really doesn’t matter, that there’s nothing fishy about it at all.  She wants to say how rude it is to assume something like that, and even if it is true, there’s nothing wrong with it.  

But instead she just stands there, quietly watching.

Quietly watching as he’s picked on, the boys snatching away his bunny, the girls laughing.  He tries reaching for it but they keep tossing it out of his reach, sneering at him and making comments that no small child should make.

It’s the girls who make the worst comments, one of them going so far as to snatch the bunny up and glare at him, "This is a girl toy, it’s not for you!”  

“Yeah!”  Another girl says, “You don’t get to play with it!”

“You’re not a girl!”

“Wait, maybe he is,” another girl says, her eyes wide, “Wait, you like girl toys, do you dress up like a girl too?”

“EEEEW!  I bet you like boys just like we do!”

And he looks at her as she stands away from the group.  Yukiko Amagi, the girl all of the girls crowd around, the girl all the boys like.  She’s spoken to him, has even played with him at the textile shop.  Secretly, they’ve played dolls together, Kanji blushing and asking if it was stupid and Yukiko reassuring him that it wasn’t.  He’s told her that he knows that it’s a “girl” toy, has even suggested that maybe, if he plays with it enough, it’ll be seen as a “boy” toy.  She laughed, but not in a mocking way, actually nodding her head in agreement, “Let’s keep playing, then maybe it’ll be a boy toy.”

But now she just stands there, watching as the girls laugh at him louder than the boys do.  His eyes are watering, waiting for her to say something, anything.  

They’re friends, right?  

At least, they’re supposed to be.

***

“Oh dear, I’m afraid he’s not home yet.”

“He’s not?”

The elderly woman shakes her head, “He usually comes home late, but… not this late,” she frowns, looking worried.

“I… I’m sure it’s fine, ma'am,” Yukiko says, “Sorry to bother you.”

“No, it’s never a bother.  Come back again, o.k.?”

***

When the group goes inside the T.V. to attempt to find Kanji she can hear them talking about what they saw.

“Dude, that was crazy!”  Yosuke says, “Just… I mean, is he really…”

“All of those flowers, and those poses, and… I-I dunno what to think!”  Chie says.

“Flowers?  Poses?”  Yukiko asks.  

“Yeah!  You saw it too, right?”

“And there was this music in the background too, and just… hot bodies, and getting worked up, and…”

“So weird!”  Yosuke says loudly.

Souji glances over at Yukiko and frowns, walking over to her, “Did you see something else?”

“H-huh?  Oh… n-no, just… trying to figure out how we can find him.”

Once again, like always, she’s quiet.  She doesn’t tell them that what she saw had been completely different.  A small child, dark hair, clutching onto his book bag.  He was crying, holding a destroyed bunny keychain – the kids had torn it apart, leaving it in a scrap of pink and cotton.  That boy had stared right through Yukiko’s heart from that television screen, sniffling at her.

Why didn’t you help me?  Why didn’t you try and stop them?!  

Her thoughts are interrupted as Teddie speaks up, “I’m going to need more information about him.”

It makes her feel like the worst person in the world when she realizes that any information she has is outdated.  She use to know him, use to be his friend, but now she has no idea who Kanji Tatsumi is.

***

She thinks this is the shadow that makes them all feel terrible.  Heroes trying to solve a mystery?  More like insensitive jackasses who can’t look at one single high school student without judging him.  She can tell from the way everyone is staring at the shadow, eyes widen and lips twisted in regretful little frowns.  Kanji is struggling to get up, shaking as he keeps whispering, “You’re not me, you’re not me.”  The sound of his voice breaks Yukiko’s heart and she wishes she had the right words, but all she can do is listen – listening, always listening, listening!  

You like to sew?  

That’s so queer!  

Men are so much better.

Girls are scary.  

She can feel shadow’s deep, yellow eyes blazing towards her in hatred.  Girls are scary it had said, but what it failed to say is girls are cowardly, girls make terrible friends.She hadn’t been there for him, not at all, always watching and not defending him the way a friend does.  

She had even focused her attention on a new friend, completely ignoring the fact that, once upon a time, she had someone in her life before Chie Satonaka.

So Yukiko closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, feeling her persona hum to life behind her as she swings her fan into the tarot card.  

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, watching the fire move through the air towards the shadow.

It’s only for a split second, but she catches a glimpse of that small, frightened child somewhere in the mix of roses that surround the shadow.

And she swears that, for a second, that boy smiles at her.  

***

“He’s resting right now, dear.  I’ll tell him you-”

“It’s o.k., Ma,” Kanji says, standing behind her at the door, “Let her in, it’s fine.”  He looks exhausted and a bit paler than he should, but he still greets Yukiko at the door as he leads her up to his room.  As soon as they’re inside he sits down, taking a deep breath, “That was some crazy shit, huh?”

“Yes, it was.  It was the same with me, too.”

“Yeah?  I heard you had disappeared or somethin,’ I thought you might’ve ran away finally.”

Yukiko’s eyes widen, “You… still remember that?”

“Hell yeah.  Your doll always talked about leavin’ this town when we’d play together.”

“I can’t believe you still remember that.”

Kanji shrugs, “We were friends, right?  You don’t forget shit like that.”

“Oh…” Yukiko frowns sadly, looking away from him, “Listen, about-”

“Don’t,” he says, “Ain’t no need for that.  You came after me, yeah?  And you helped me accept that thing inside of me.  Obviously, you still care, otherwise why go through all of that?”

“Still… I…”

Kanji slides closer to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, “It’s cool, Yukiko.  Honest.”

Yukiko closes her eyes and curls up against him, smiling, “You’re much bigger now, you know?  Before when you tried to hug me I was taller than you.”

“Things change.”

“Not by much,” she says, nodding to the little bunny keychain that sits on his desk, “That’s not the same one from before is it?”

“Naw, some kid needs it or somethin.’  Made it myself.”

“Really?  So you actually started making your own toys?”  She giggles, “Are you still trying to make them ‘boy toys?’”

“You still remember me sayin’ that?”

“Sure I do,” Yukiko says, “I… remember everything you said before… we stopped being friends.”

“Did we ever really stop?  I mean… we ain’t fight or nothin.’”

“We stopped talking to each other.”

“Doesn’t mean we stopped carin,’ yeah?”

Yukiko smiles and kisses the light brush that crosses Kanji’s cheek which only helps to make him blush more.  

It’s here that she feels like she should say something, but she isn’t quite sure what.  Something nice, maybe a little sweet, but no words come to mind.  So instead she goes off of instinct and kisses his blushing cheek again before she closes her eyes, placing that same soft kiss against his lips.  

It’s a gentle and kind little thing, a bit shy on both their parts.  Their lips stay close to one another, a flutter of a touch that urges Yukiko to presses her hands against Kanji’s chest.  His lips remind her of the soft fabrics his room is surrounded in, a variety of colors and patterns where you can’t tell what you’re getting, but you’re always satisfied with the end result.  And her lips, Kanji decides, are deceiving.  He expects something akin to sakura blossoms, but instead her lips remind him of the fire she’s able to summon.  It’s a comfortable warmth, a fire place in the winter, and his arms pull her closer before he can fully understand what he’s doing.  

They’re not sure how long they end up kissing, but when it’s over there’s a content feeling between them.  They’re those same children from years ago, the boy who plays with dolls and his princess who plays with him.  They say he’s flawed but she sees differently, smiling and laughing along with him.

“Hey,” Yukiko whispers, enjoying the feeling of his fingers running through her hair.  She’s not sure when he started to do that, but his fingers are soothing and she feels like she’s drifting into the clouds, “…will you… do something for me?”

“Sure, what is it?”

***

“Hey, isn’t that Kanji Tatsumi?”

“Yeah!  What’s he doing talking to Amagi-senpai?”

“Maybe she’s tutoring him so he doesn’t fail!”  

“Excuse me?”  Yukiko walks over to the group of girls, frowning at them.  She’s listened to them long enough, “Do you have something to say about my friend?”

“Friend?!”

“That’s right.  Kanji’s my friend.  Is there a problem?”

“N-n-no, of course not!”

“Not at all, senpai!”

“W-we’re sorry!”

Yukiko smiles and turns, walking back over to Kanji.  He’s trying not to look so surprised about what just happened but he can’t help himself, “D-did you just…”

“We’re friends, right?”  She takes his hand, “More than that actually, I think,” and she smiles even more as she walks down the hallway with him.

“When you see me at school,” she whispers, curling up closer to Kanji, “Don’t avoid me anymore.  And I won’t avoid you, either.  O.K.?”

Kanji smiles, keeping his arms around Yukiko as he nods his head, “O.K.”

***

Notes: So the dynamic between Kanji and Yukiko will forever intrigue me, because I feel like it could’ve been explored more.  They were friends before, why did they stop being friends?  And she said they were children, but we know she met Chie as a kid, and we also know (from the manga) that he was picked on as a kid.  So… I guess this is my interpretation of it?  They’re not a pairing I normally cater to, but I can see the potential.  I can even see it lasting for a while, maybe with a moment of her, you know, pushing him towards Naoto.

The rest of the team might feel a bit jerky in the beginning of this, but you know, not everyone is super understanding of people who are different.  What makes the whole “accepting yourself” message so great in P4 is that not only does each character accept who they are, but the friends around them accept it, too.  Yes, Yosuke makes jerky comments, but as the game progresses those comments stop and you know that he sees Kanji as a real friend.  So not only is Kanji comfortable with who he is, his friends are comfortable with who he is.  It’s a learning process, you know?  I think it’s great that everyone wants everyone to be accepting of each other’s differences, but you know what?  In the beginning, some people aren’t.  That doesn’t mean their homophobic, or sexist, or whatever.  It’s possible that they haven’t been exposed to something different and needs a bit of time.  Not everyone is going to be like, “Oh you’re gay, oh o.k.,” some people need time for it to settle.  

Personal information time: I’ve been with my partner for 11 years, but when I first started liking her I avoided her something fierce because I thought those kinds of feelings were wrong.  Did that make me homophobic?  No.  But I was so convinced that I was supposed to be with a guy that, surely, something had to be wrong with me for thinking otherwise.  Overtime, I got over it, but that’s my point – sometimes, it takes time.  That’s why P4 is so great, it takes time!  You can say the whole, “Don’t deny it!” thing when the shadow comes up, but guess what?  They’re still going to go through the process, still deny it until they come to the realization themselves.  

I think people forget that these kids are in high school.  In high school you’re still learning about yourself, about other people in general, so yeah… in the beginning they may sound jerky, or – in Yukiko’s case – know that something needs to be said and stay quiet, but as time progresses some people get it  :)