All. Of. This. Especially the 2nd one, the 3rd one, the 5th one, and the 6th one. This is because:
a) I guess black girls don’t look lesbian enough, unless if they’re super butch? Oh we also don’t look like geeks either. Even though I worked at GameStop and wore fucking companion cubes in my ears
b) I’ve never been intimate with a guy. I’ve messed around with them and had a boyfriend in high school, but we never went all the way. So then I got the question, “How do you know? You haven’t been with a guy.”
c) I double majored in English and Women’s Studies. That’s Women’s Studies part triggered some red flags. Clearly, Women’s Studies would make me hate all men.
d) It’s just a phase.
Here’s the truth:
a) NOT ALL LESBIANS WILL HAVE SHORT HAIR AND WEAR FLANNEL! NOT ALL LESBIANS WILL DRESS IN WHAT YOU CONSIDER TO BE MASCULINE CLOTHING! Some do, yes, but not all of them. There is no “lesbian” look. In the same breath, NOT ALL GAY MEN WILL BE FLAMBOYANT! Some will, yes, but not all! Here’s a secret: most gay/lesbian people? Look. Like. Everyone. Else. GASP! I KNOW, RIGHT?! This go for geeks. NOT ALL GEEKS ARE GOING TO LIVE IN THEIR MOTHER’S BASEMENT, BE OVERWEIGHT, BE AWKWARD, and all that’s in between. Some are, yes, but not all. (my upcoming short story for Dreamspinner actually touches on this, as it has a black, attractive geek, and the lead character is surprised by it).
b) JUST BECAUSE A WOMAN ISN’T WITH A MAN DOESN’T MEAN SHE NEEDS TO BE WITH ONE TO FIGURE OUT IF SHE’S A LESBIAN! Guess what? Sometimes, women just know that they’re attracted to other women. Or, in my case, they fall in love with another woman. Same with men. WHY DOESN’T ANYONE ASK STRAIGHT WOMEN, “Dur you’ve never been with a woman how do you know you’re not a lesbian?” Because they just know, right? Well, so do we.
c) WOMEN’S STUDIES DOES NOT MAKE YOU HATE MEN! It makes you want everyone to be equal, it makes you want everyone to have a voice, regardless of gender, sexual preference, race, and all that’s in between. It makes you aware of the issues in our society that you might not have been aware of unless you were a victim of them. Or, in my case, you know about the racial issues because you’re black, but you never think about the gender issues because NO ONE addressed them to me. Sure, I got the, “Dur girls don’t play video games,” but that’s about it, honestly. Now, black issues? Yeah that’s been talked about since high school. I knew about the struggles of my race, but not about my gender. I also knew such things because of my family talking to me. The ONLY women talk was that, “Let’s separate the boys and girls and talk about menstruation ”
And you know what? Women’s Studies went beyond just women’s issues. It was more “cultural/social issues” and not just “women.” In a way, Women’s Studies made me appreciate men more. It made me appreciate the good men I had in my life. I have an awesome, AWESOME dad, who took great care of me. And it wasn’t for some tragic “something happened to my mom” reason. Women’s Studies made me see that, you know, we talk a lot about the terrible men, but never seem to appreciate the good. Or, if they are good, we assume there’s a reason behind it, or it’s a lie. I would talk about how I grew up with my dad and some people would assume he was FORCED into it, like, “Something happened to your mom, right?” No, actually. Instead of having my mom struggle to raise me in her apartment in Chicago, I moved in with my dad who was getting remarried and getting a house. That man would take me to see my mom every weekend since I was 9 years old. He would go pick her up to go see my school functions if she couldn’t get a ride to them since she didn’t drive. And my parents always, always told their new significant others that I came first. That if they couldn’t understand that my father was taking me to see my mother and seeing her on a weekly basis, too bad. Hell, my dad took care of my older brother, and he wasn’t even his son. But you know what? In my brother’s obituary my dad is named his father. His father ran off on my mom shortly after he was born. She was 16. When my dad met my mom, he helped with my brother, so much so that I thought we had the same dad until I was 10.
SO I DON’T HATE MEN! How can I when I had such a great influence in my dad? And my brother? There is no hatred here, so STOP THINKING THAT!
d) FUCK YOU IT’S BEEN 11 YEARS IT’S NOT A GODDAMN PHASE!