Dear girlfriend,
At this point you are more than just a girlfriend, no matter what society says about us being married. Sometimes I wake up and wonder how the hell we’re still making this work. Or rather, I’m wondering how you’re still putting up with me. Lately I’ve been really scattered and emotional, I think, with the book and getting ready for more and more conventions. I’m really happy that you’re here with me as, literally, all of my dreams are coming true.
I apologize in advance for the worrysome moments that are bound to come. I know I’ll be fretting over the book and conventions and commissions and everything until everything is done. I know I’ll be really emotional when the book is released, and terribly worried about it being well received. I know I keep talking about wanting to take random trips “when the book makes it,” but I honestly mean it. I want to spoil you so badly you have no idea. I want to be able to. I want to not have to worry about money so we can just up and leave somewhere. I want our business to take off. I want so much for us and it’s this weird, terrifying feeling, because… all of this stuff might actually work out. I’ve spent so much time getting rejection letters, working a shitty job, and being miserable that I can’t believe that things are actually working.
So if I look a bit lost, that’s why.
Although I don’t have to tell you, you always just seem to know. You’re always willing to take me away for a moment so I can breathe. It amazes me that you can deal with me being like this with a smile on your face. It amazes me that you can just bring home dinner and watch me play Injustice, or take me out randomly driving after an 8 hour day of work. Then again, everything you’ve done in this relationship amazes me. We’ve been through a lot. We’ve been through your parents denying us being together. We’ve been through my dad not handling it well. We’ve been through me working one shift a week for months and not having any money. We’ve been through me loathing my job. We’ve been through me losing my job last year and, even if I got a better one, it was temporary, and there were some months where I had nothing at all. We’ve been through losing two cats back to back. We’ve been through the stress of getting this house. We’ve been through being robbed in our old apartment. Just… there’s so much, and you’re always there, and it amazes me.
You amaze me.
And it’s kind of weirding me out that we’re going through so much GOOD after the bad. Your parents accept us, hell, they even built us a kitchen and helped us pay for this house. My dad loves you to death. I have a job that I like and have figured out how to manage money, so when it is over for a month or so at a time, we’re fine. The book is getting published. A short story is getting published. We’re doing really well at cons. Detour was just… I can’t even begin to go into how amazing it was to feel like so many people WANTED us to be there — including guests. Just… wow. And… I feel like we’re finally there, you know? I feel like we’re riding this wave of good and I can finally start giving you the things you deserve, because I couldn’t before, but I feel like I’ll be able to now.
So, all and all, dear girlfriend, I love you. Even after saying everything I just said, I feel like that doesn’t even begin to cover how much I love you.
Love always,
Briana