What should I do if I am contemplating suicide? I mean, I don't think I will actually do it but I feel super anxious and depressed all the time and I just want it to stop. I keep thinking about how nice it would be not to be like this. I just want everything to stop.

listen to me

you are absolutely spectacular. Life feels so heavy and everything seems so useless and unnecessary. I know what its like to want everything to stop. I know how it feels to think that killing yourself is the way out.
It’s not. oh my god its not. You are so incredibly special and you are having such a rough time right now, I can tell you that things will get better, which is true, but maybe it’s helpful to know that you are strong and brave and if you believe in yourself and do your best to keep your chin up, then everything WILL stop. When you start reminding yourself that you are sunshine, you will start to shine. It’s not your fault, but it is your right to be happy. You are on this earth and you are wonderful and you are entitled to making decisions that make your life better. You are allowed to make the healthy choices you feel will help, even when people tell you its wrong.

You are made of stars and you deserve the world