I can’t speak for how bad things are in the South, and I may have a different POV because my relationship was interracial AND same sex, so I was more worried about the same sex part.  Though I was also a bit worried about her being white, since I am from Chicago which is predominantly black.  But I’ll tell you what I told my mom this week while she was here.

I think, a lot of times, families and parents are worried for you.  As in, they aren’t homophobic or racist or things like that, but they’re concerned about you.  I’m not saying that this is the case with all families, there are some simple minded folks out there (to which they aren’t worth the effort, don’t worry about their opinion, honest, because if they aren’t willing to look past the surface of things and get to know a person then it’s not worth it, it’ll only upset you more).  I’m just saying that in some cases it’s because they’re worried about what the rest of the world will think.

For example, my dad was worried for me because I was with a white girl, and not everyone in the world is accepting of that.  There’s some terrible people out there, so he was worried about what they’d do/say/whatever.  And yes I do want to live in a world where people can look past this and we’re equal and all that, but the reality is that we don’t, not yet, and seeing something that isn’t the norm does take people some getting use to.  And I think it’s important to realize that.  

Straight, same race couples are the norm.  When something breaks that norm, people are going to react.  Now, are they bad people if they react badly?  Eh… maybe?  But maybe not.  It takes time to adjust to new things, even today what you may think is normal isn’t normal for someone else, so it takes them a moment to adjust to the idea.  It even took me time to get use to the idea, I thought I was doing something wrong by liking a girl because that’s not the norm, and I even stopped talking to her because of it.  But I thought, this isn’t the norm, this is wrong, and while I wasn’t homophobic or against gay people I did think, “Well no it’s not supposed to be like this I’m supposed to be with a man.”

Like, my wifey’s parents.  It took them a long time to get use to me, and I never ever thought they would after years of being “the roommate.”  But you know what?  Now only did they help us pay for this house, and fix up this house by coming over every weekend for months until it was done, but I got introduced as her partner in front of everyone this last 4th of July.  On top of that I’ve been invited to weddings and holidays, and they ask how I’m doing and how the book is going, and it’s really great.  It didn’t start out that way, and it took some time, but like my mom said, “Once they saw that their daughter was happy… what else was there for them to do but accept it?”

So yeah, my advice is to just be with who you want if it makes you happy, just realize that some people might be against it, though they may be against it because they’re worried for you.  And I know you want them to accept it right away, but for some people it will take time, and you have to give them time.  Sure it would’ve been great if we had come out to her parents and it was all candy and roses right away, but it wasn’t, but it is kind of a big deal when your kid comes home and it’s not the normal picture you imagined.  My mom did accept it pretty quickly, sure, but she’d still have moments of, “How do you know you haven’t been with a guy,” and yes those questions suck but at the same time it is something different, and you grow up being told that things are supposed to be a certain way, so when it’s not there’s questions.  So be prepared for those questions, and just show people how happy you are, because happiness is a damn good way to show someone that what you’re doing is good  :)