Because my size does not mean that you are doing me any favors by talking to me. Because in high school some boys thought I owed them something for giving me the time of day when no other boy would. Because some boys thought that because my friends were sexually active that meant that I was. Because all of those boys got mad when I said no. Because with some of those boys I had to shove them away when no was not enough. Because those boys would make me feel bad for saying no and, since my friends said yes to their boys, I actually thought I had done something wrong.
Because my size does not mean that I envy my skinny sisters. Because my skinny sisters do not hate me because of my size. Because I do not think a thin girl in a tight dress makes her a slut. Because there are people who feel that I should think such things. Because women have crimes done against them where clothes, drinks, and the time of night is to blame instead of the culprit. Because, in the same society that blames these inanimate objects, women are told to worship these objects: hit the club at night, drinks are half off or free for women, and wear something sexy to get a man’s attention.
Because my attraction to women is not for a man’s entertainment. Because me being with a woman does not mean that my partner and I will join a man. Because my attraction to women does not mean that I have not found the right man yet. Because we are not together for attention, or because it is cute, or because it is phase that we will “get over” eventually. Because we are more than just a fantasy. Because we are more than an experiment to be tried while drunk or in college. Because I kissed a girl for more than just “liking it, I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it.”
Because it is o.k. for me to be a geek, and no, I am not faking it. Because I should not have to list my credentials when it comes to geekery. Because when I cosplay I am more than just a “black” version of a character. Because, yes, I am fat, and there is nothing wrong with me cosplaying. Because I will be told not to cosplay a character while my skinny sisters will be told that their cosplay is “too sexy.” Because some people assume I dislike “sexy” cosplay and the women who wear it. Because some people assume that such cosplay is an invitation. Because some people assume that such cosplay makes a woman an “attention whore” while, at the same time, people want those characters to be cosplayed.
Because when I speak up for myself some people think it is a cry for attention, a pity party, and that I need to stay quiet. Because, growing up, you are told not to let people hurt you, yet when you become an adult you are told that you are overreacting.
Because I am proud of who I am and what I have accomplished. Because “Briana” does not come with a list of negative assumptions to pick from, but a list of positive notes to cherish and maybe even learn from. Because I am black, I am plus sized, I am part of the GLBT family, I am a geek, and I am happy with myself even if there are people who think I should not be.
Because there are people who think I should not be.
(done in my Princess Peach crown because that’s what I was bullied in back in October)