A little write up on fat women and sex inspired by Empire. Under the cut because it’s kind of NSFW.

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Spent Friday and Saturday having a mini-vacation with my wifey before conventions start up again and to relax and de-stress. It worked perfectly  :) While on vacation it became a weekend of trying new looks, from the red dress, to jumper, blonde hair, and even swimwear. Especially swimwear. I kinda have this love/hate relationship with swimwear: I love the way it looks but I hate it because I always think I look terrible. But I’ve been wanting a two piece since the whole fatkini movement, so we went out and I tried one on, along with other things.

It kinda turned into a weekend of feelin’ myself, of actually looking in the mirror and thinking I looked pretty damn good, and I think everyone should have moments where they look in that mirror and smile. 

I think plus size women (and men) need to see positive, beautiful representation of people who are their size.  I also think they need to see plus size people being happy with who they are.  The stereotype of the unhappy, fat loaf who sits on the couch being lazy is such a lie, and it kills me that that’s what some people expect when they think of a chubby person.  I hate that it’s such a surprise to some people to see a plus size person wearing nice clothes and looking good, so I’m really glad to see positive representation out there.

Honestly, I think it’s just a great thing for everyone to see, not just plus size individuals.  Society has such a skewed view on beauty.  It’s always changing and the things we see aren’t always truthful (Photoshop, etc.)  I get support from all sorts of people, not just plus size.  There are plenty of people who are smaller than me who feel encouraged to love themselves when they see me.  I feel like body positivity is something that’s beneficial to everyone.  I feel like everyone has their insecurities, so seeing people embrace who they are is such a huge confidence booster.

My interview with The Curvy Fashionista went up today and I haven’t stopped smiling since :)

Hey Aesha!  I would’ve pronounced your name wrong, too, lol.  Anyhow, this may be a long answer, but I get wordy and stuff, so here we go!

Here’s the thing about confidence: it takes time.  It’s something you constantly work at.  I’m 31 years old and have had years of working on my confidence.  I grew up in the 80s.  I grew up in a time where there weren’t that many conventions, cosplay wasn’t as huge as it is now, anime was still new and video games were still growing.  Being a geek was just not cool, and not “common” with black girls — so I was told.  I somehow wasn’t “acting black” because I was into dragon balls and doing fatalities in Mortal Kombat.  This is still a thing that happens sometimes, but it wasn’t nearly as big of a deal as it was when I was growing up.  

So when I see it happen now I’m like, “This is so old.”  I think bullies think they’re coming in with new material.  The reality is, they’re not.  Bullying is as old as time, you know?  Calling someone fat?  Thanks for the info, I already know what I look like.  ”That person isn’t black.”  Really?  I could’ve sworn when I stared at the picture for reference her skin color changed.  When I got bashed for my cosplay I had this moment of, “… really?” It kind of baffled me.  Not because of the bullying itself, but the fact that it happened within the geek community.  Growing up, the people who picked on geeks weren’t other geeks, it was the people outside the circle, the ones who didn’t get what made Saturday morning anime on Sci-Fi so great.  It certainly wasn’t the geeky kid sitting next to me during lunch.  So now my mind is like, “You have got to be kidding,” because… really?  We’re all geeks, why are we bashing each other?

I also grew up with some pretty confident women around me.  That whole black, independent woman thing was huge (still is).  Someone talk shit about you?  Fuck them.  Someone hurt you?  Set fire to their car. Someone hit you?  Hit them back.  Harder.  Stab them.  Something. Don’t take that shit lying down.  I’m being serious, black women were (and still are) expected to be no nonsense sassy superstars.  Someone told you you were fat?  Whatever, you just can’t handle all this.  And it’s not a bad mentality to have, but there’s something really important that I think people should admit to when it comes to confidence: it’s not something we have 24/7.  

I know a lot of people talk about body positivity and confidence, which is fantastic, but something else to talk about is the fact that you’re not going to feel great all the time. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, has a bad day.  That’s something really important to realize and why I really love it when people come out and say that.  I love when these big names in the community open up like, “I didn’t always feel like I could take on the world.”  Because it’s true.  Insecurity isn’t exclusive to the chunky kid, or the black kid, or the gay kid, it happens to everyone, for different reasons.  And even if you’re the most confident, black, female, fat, lesbian out there, sometimes you wake up feeling like crap.  And that’s o.k.  Sometimes the insecure fat kid in me wants to hide in a sweater. Sometimes the insecure little girl stands and watches the boys play video games and she wonders if she’s weird for wanting to play, too. Sometimes the black girl wonders if she’s good enough. Sometimes the lesbian questions if she should hold her wifey’s hand in certain areas they visit.  It happens.  It happens to everyone, and that’s normal.  

Everyone has that doubtful voice in their head that tries to tell them that something is a bad idea.  For instance, when my wifey said she could make Wonder Woman for me, I was really excited, but I also had this moment of, “Am I really about to cosplay this?  She’s an icon.  She’s not black, she’s not fat, she’s beautiful.  Am I really about to do this?”  But my wifey, as always, was by my side and that dress is one of my favorite things to cosplay.  But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t intimidated at first.  When you hear that insecure voice, address it, talk about it, tell someone, “I don’t know,” and talk about it.  Don’t let it fester, you know?  When I started to feel unsure I was like, “Oh man wifey, I dunno…” and she was like, “You’re going to be beautiful in this, I promise.”  And you wanna know something funny? The day I posted that picture for the first time on my cosplay page, I did get bashed!  Someone made a comment about how I looked like I was eating myself to death!  But you know what?  I felt so good in that dress and felt so gorgeous that confident Brichibi was there in an instant like, “Oh please.”

Comfort is also hugely important.  Confidence is great, but it’s also important that you feel comfortable in what you’re wearing, and that adds to that confidence.  I love that Wonder Woman dress and feel good it in.  I did my own take on her, one that I would feel comfortable wearing and one that I thought would look good on me.  Find things that make you feel good.  

It’s all a process, really, and it’s not a race.  Take your time.  Just because you see a plus sized woman working her curves doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong if you’re not ready to do that yet.  Take as long as you need.  Try new things out.  Have fun with it.  Find groups that are body positive and share a picture.  Start with a selfie and work your way up.  Do something cute with your hair.  Wear some new eyeshadow.  Do what makes you feel good, that’s what this is all about: you feeling good about yourself.

If you can’t see yourself stepping out of sweats, work those sweats! Sporty looks are cute!  Get some cute tennis shoes to match.  And smile.  A smile goes a long way.  Then work your way up, get some cute jeans, maybe a skirt that reaches your ankles.  Have fun with your wardrobe, have fun in the things that make you feel comfortable.  And as far as cosplay goes, don’t be afraid to alter an outfit into something you want to wear.  That’s what I did with Wonder Woman, and it’s fun coming up with new styles and interpretations to characters.    

I hope this helps <3

drunkvanity:

girlinabearsuit:

To all the fat girls who don’t care they are fat; who dress fiercely and fly. God bless you, let’s party.

my goal in life is to provoke this feeling in every insecure fat girl because shit we wonderful

These quotes are all things that have been said to me in regards to my body and my race.  It’s not everything that’s ever been said to me, oh no, not even close, but they’ve been said as recently as last month.  

Don’t let the negatives take over, don’t let them weigh you down and dictate who you are.  Don’t let them cover up the things that make you, you.

<3 Brichibi Cosplays

So my wifey sent me a link to a meme generator and things happened. Because, you know, I always speak on cosplay and positivity and loving yourself, but those ramblings get long, so here’s some quick memes to keep you going in cosplay and, well, anything you need them for  :) Share them, save them, print them out and put them by your fabric as a reminder that you’re awesome and should be having fun instead of stressing about someone’s opinion  <3

The Wonder Woman meme is pretty much my feelings on cosplay.  Have fun, be whatever you want, love yourself, the end  :)  

The Tiana meme is pretty much my feelings on fat bashing and this idea that, somehow, a fat person’s existence glorifies obesity.  This is a ridiculous notion.  You can’t say that a fat person is lazy and useless and needs to go out and do something, then when that person does go out and does something you shoot them down.  Me being in this world is about me enjoying my life, period.  My weight is simply that: my weight, but there’s more to me then that, and honestly, if you choose (yes, choose, because your opinions are a choice) to be bothered my a woman who has some rolls and flabby arms then I feel sorry for you, because there is so much more to this life than one fat lady in a costume.

Holy wow, my cosplay got shared on a pretty big group called Elite Girl Gamers, which is pretty rad!  There’s a mix of comments about it, from me being awesome to me promoting some unhealthy lifestyle by simply existing.  In the end, everyone is entitled to their opinion, it’s just interesting to see the different view points and people going back and forth about me and what I do, and what people view as being inspirational or not.

Honestly though, cosplay, to me, will always be about having fun. There’s no reason to tell someone they can’t have fun based on superficial things like weight or race or gender or whatever.  We’re dressing in costume as fictional characters, who really has the right to tell someone that they’re doing it wrong? Who sets the rules?  Someone says I’m too fat to be Wonder Woman but, in an instant, Gal Gadot – who is playing Wonder Woman – looks too frail and isn’t big enough.  We could get a room full of Wonder Women and I can guarantee you that none of them will be perfect, because someone is going to point out something.  No one is perfect, we don’t live in a perfect world, and frankly I don’t want to.  I want the diversity and the differences between us.  I’d be boring if we were all the same.

Truthfully, people already have to deal with ridiculous beauty standards outside of this community, and people seem to forget that this community is supposed to be enjoyable.  Being told that I’m fat isn’t something that only happens in cosplay, society already has its never consistent standards of beauty and I grew up being told that I’m wrong in some way: too fat, black girls don’t do that, or that, and other such things.  We have magazines that tell us how to lose weight while telling us how to bake a cake, they tell us how to diet, then it changes that diet, then it changes that diet. We’re told curves are in, then they’re not, then they’re in again – but don’t get too curvy, but then you’re not curvy enough, then we want thigh gaps and flat tummies, but not too flat.  

Then you see that the “beautiful” people get photoshopped anyway.  

It’s a mess, it always has been a mess, it always will be a mess, there’s never going to be a set answer to what “acceptable” is because people change their opinion all the time.  

Am I setting a bad example by walking around with my rolls and flabby arms?  People think fat means lazy, but then fat walks out the door and doesn’t sit at home all day but then that’s just gross to look at.  So you don’t want fat to be lazy yet when its not lazy its not appealing to look at. You can’t have it both ways.  You won’t have it both ways.  And, for that matter, why does me being outside need to concern you?  Why are you so focused on the physical?  Is the smile not enough?  The costume? Me being happy and living my life?  Who made you dictator of my lifestyle?  Out of all of the hatred that exists in this world why is one fat girl setting the bad example?  

She’s not.  You just think she is, and it makes you uncomfortable that she doesn’t think she’s a bad example, and others don’t think she’s a bad example, but an inspiration, a reason to get out there and join in on the fun.  Because that’s what cosplay is, and cosplay never once said that fat people weren’t allowed to come out and play.  

I think the idea of “glorifying obesity” is, frankly, a load of crap.  Mostly because of what I’ve posted before:  people assume that fat people are lazy, that they do nothing at all but sit around all day being miserable. However, at the same time, whenever a fat person goes out and does anything its “glorifying obesity.”  You can’t have it both ways.  You can’t tell someone they’re lazy then tell them they’re glorifying something bad by not being lazy.  You can’t say to me, “Stop sitting around all day go out and do something,” then I go out, cosplay, promote my books, my art, hang out with friends, enjoy my time with my partner, plan our wedding, then suddenly all of that is “glorifying obesity.”  It’s not glorifying my size, it’s glorifying my life and the things that make me happy. 

The other thing I always say is to be happy with yourself.  That’s because your size doesn’t matter as far as your mental health is concerned.  If you were to lose weight, for instance, but still be unhappy with yourself for whatever reason, then your appearance isn’t going to mean anything.  At all.  

There’s this illusion, I think, that thin equals happy.  Happiness isn’t a size. There are thin people who aren’t happy with their appearance but I think, as a fat person, we’re told, “No, that’s what you need to be happy,” to the point that when a thin person is like, “I’m insecure about my appearance,” we’re like, “Shut the fuck up, you’re thin.”  Happiness, insecurity, all of those things are not a size.  Laziness is not a size trait.  Size is simply that: a size.  

Thank you for your question and being mature about it, and honestly, thank you for being the first person to actually comment on how good the dress is and not discredit it because of my size.

obsol33t:

This is me. This is my body. This is my insecurities.

I am five foot and five inches tall, I weigh 177lbs, and this took a lot of balls to post.

I’m kinda chubby, I have a muffin top, I’m riddled in stretch marks, I have a bit of a double chin, acne on my chest, and I have rolls in weird spots on my body.

This doesn’t make me any less of a person.

Every time I go to family gatherings, all I hear is “Oh, you’ve put on so much weight!” Or “Wow, you need to do something about those stretch marks!”

Like, how could you even say that to someone?

Let me tell you a thing.

It’s a vicious fucking cycle.

You gain/lose weight/have more breakouts than usual, family points it out, you get sad, it gets worse.

If someone has put on some weight, DONT MENTION IT.

If someone looks a little too thin, DONT MENTION IT.

If someone has body hair in places you’re not used to seeing it, DONT MENTION IT.

If someone has acne, DONT MENTION IT.

If someone has stretch marks, DONT MENTION IT.

If someone has crooked teeth, DONT MENTION IT.

TRUST ME. WE ARE ALL FULLY FUCKING AWARE OF OUR FLAWS.

So instead of calling them out on something “wrong” with their body and completely shredding any ounce of confidence they had managed to muster up that day, just find something nice about the person and compliment them.

You do so much more good saying “that’s a cute dress” than saying “you need to lose/gain a little weight.”

Just try it sometime. You might actually sleep better at night.

Bless this woman  <3