For the love of goodness gracious, can we please stop assuming that plus sized people just flat out HATE skinny people? Can we get over this notion that I must look at every single skinny person I see and just want to strangle them? Because I don’t. Honest. I would have to be locked up for life if I strangled all the skinny people I encounter.
There’s this article that is getting a lot of shit right now in regards to the article writer seeing a larger, black woman in her yoga class, and she goes into this thought process of being suddenly aware of her skinny, white girl body, and how she could feel the contempt from this woman behind her and how, surely, this woman was noticing how skinny she was and feeling resentment and judging her.
Of course the article writer is just ASSUMING all of these things because SHE NEVER ONCE EVEN ATTEMPTS TO TALK TO THIS WOMAN! “Oh wow it must be hard being the minority in class,” but instead of trying to welcome her or something she just goes on these mental tangents of being suddenly aware of her all white yoga class, how hard that must be for the big black lady, how she looked so afraid to be there, how it must be terrible to see all these skinny white bodies, and just… UGH!
O.K. Sure. I’m not saying that these aren’t thoughts that plus sized people have, but STOP MAKING ASSUMPTIONS! Don’t look at me in this, “Oh wow. Her looking at my thin frame must be hard.” No. Stop thinking that every time I walk outside and see skinny, white people, I’m suddenly miserable. And goddamn, lady, if you really do have this huge epiphany and feel bad for the only black, plus sized lady in your class struggling through class SAY HELLO TO HER! Give her some tips. Some encouragement on her first day. SOMETHING! And by the way, yoga isn’t easy in the first place. You’re not going to get it your first try, so who knows, maybe she’s looking frustrated because it’s hard, not because, “Oh god I’m so fat and black,” but you wouldn’t know that because YOU DIDN’T EVEN SAY ANYTHING TO HER! You just sat there and assumed, “I know she hates me, if I say something she’s going to hate me more,” just… wow. How do you go from feeling bad for the only black lady to being like, “Welp she hates me so I’m not going to say a word,” and just… NO!
Again, I’m not saying that these insecurities don’t exist, but she literally puts these insecurities on this lady she doesn’t even know. She looks at her and thinks, “Wow she must be horrified to be here. She must be feeling so insecure, and her looking at me isn’t making it any better.” What. The. Fuck! What, you think saying that you’re wearing a tastefully, tacky sports bra somehow makes you sound less attractive so we’ll feel bad for you? Like, “Oh jeez, she’s skinny but she’s not dressed well so she has flaws, too, and it’s unfortunate that this new woman can’t see past her skinniness to notice that.” Really? Really?! You just spent the article talking about how you assume this woman is feeling these things simply from looking at you. Not just the entire class, but you specifically. Your magical skinniness is what all the big black ladies envy, you know. It makes us feel bad about ourselves and we hate you for it. Hiiiiiiiss.
The article in question is here. You have to love that title, right? Here’s the article in question: For the love of goodness gracious, can we please stop assuming that plus sized people just flat out HATE skinny people? Can we get over this notion that I must look at every single skinny person I see and just want to strangle them? Because I don’t. Honest. I would have to be locked up for life if I strangled all the skinny people I encounter.
There’s this article that is getting a lot of shit right now in regards to the article writer seeing a larger, black woman in her yoga class, and she goes into this thought process of being suddenly aware of her skinny, white girl body, and how she could feel the contempt from this woman behind her and how, surely, this woman was noticing how skinny she was and feeling resentment and judging her.
Of course the article writer is just ASSUMING all of these things because SHE NEVER ONCE EVEN ATTEMPTS TO TALK TO THIS WOMAN! “Oh wow it must be hard being the minority in class,” but instead of trying to welcome her or something she just goes on these mental tangents of being suddenly aware of her all white yoga class, how hard that must be for the big black lady, how she looked so afraid to be there, how it must be terrible to see all these skinny white bodies, and just… UGH!
O.K. Sure. I’m not saying that these aren’t thoughts that plus sized people have, but STOP MAKING ASSUMPTIONS! Don’t look at me in this, “Oh wow. Her looking at my thin frame must be hard.” No. Stop thinking that every time I walk outside and see skinny, white people, I’m suddenly miserable. And goddamn, lady, if you really do have this huge epiphany and feel bad for the only black, plus sized lady in your class struggling through class SAY HELLO TO HER! Give her some tips. Some encouragement on her first day. SOMETHING! And by the way, yoga isn’t easy in the first place. You’re not going to get it your first try, so who knows, maybe she’s looking frustrated because it’s hard, not because, “Oh god I’m so fat and black,” but you wouldn’t know that because YOU DIDN’T EVEN SAY ANYTHING TO HER! You just sat there and assumed, “I know she hates me, if I say something she’s going to hate me more,” just… wow. How do you go from feeling bad for the only black lady to being like, “Welp she hates me so I’m not going to say a word,” and just… NO!
Again, I’m not saying that these insecurities don’t exist, but she literally puts these insecurities on this lady she doesn’t even know. She looks at her and thinks, “Wow she must be horrified to be here. She must be feeling so insecure, and her looking at me isn’t making it any better.” What. The. Fuck! What, you think saying that you’re wearing a tastefully, tacky sports bra somehow makes you sound less attractive so we’ll feel bad for you? Like, “Oh jeez, she’s skinny but she’s not dressed well so she has flaws, too, and it’s unfortunate that this new woman can’t see past her skinniness to notice that.” Really? Really?! You just spent the article talking about how you assume this woman is feeling these things simply from looking at you. Not just the entire class, but you specifically. Your magical skinniness is what all the big black ladies envy, you know. It makes us feel bad about ourselves and we hate you for it. Hiiiiiiiss.
Here’s the article in question. It is getting a lot, and I mean a LOT, of shit. Most of the notes I scrolled through (I stopped after a while because there are over 2000 in the span of 2 days) pretty much make the same points I do, to the point that there are even spoof articles out there for this article.
I just… please stop making assumptions about me being this sad, plump black girl who looks at all the white, skinny girls of the world and cry myself to sleep at night. And by the way, starting your article with, “It’s the new year so my class is getting the resolution crowd who are going to give up after a month,” is NOT a good way to segway into, “Suddenly there was a large black woman behind me.”
Man I thought I was done ranting! It’s Sunday morning!
But a friend on Facebook posted this to make a great point so I’m going to do the same.
I dislike it when I see things like this (which is the point she was making, too). I dislike it when someone decides to support someone who is plus sized by bashing skinny people. That’s not supportive. Skinny people have done nothing wrong. And furthermore, what kind of example is that to set? We want people to support us, but then we bash the people we want support from in the same breath?
I have nothing against skinny people. At all. I have skinny people in my life and I’m not jealous of them or making snide comments about them, because they love me for me, and I love them for them. But I think this is a thing that happens to show support for someone who is plus sized and it’s not cool. And I will admit that, back in the day, I use to laugh at stuff like this and had this whole, “Skinny girl just needs to eat a sandwich,” mentality, like waaaaaaaaaaaay back in high school, but looking back… how terrible is that? Especially if your friends are skinny, or even if they’re plus sized but smaller than you. My partner is smaller than me. So is my mother.
The point of this whole plus sized acceptance thing is to show that you shouldn’t make fun of us because of our size, NOT that we’re BETTER because of our size, but that size shouldn’t be a factor period in defining who someone is. This whole idea irritates me with all… are these battles? I don’t really want to call them battles. But, you know, when you’re trying to support a group and you decide to do it by saying mean things about another group to do it? Or you decide not to include them? For example: I have heard (on tumblr) people in the GLBT circle bashing the likes of Macklemore and telling him to stop singing about things he doesn’t understand (i.e. his song, “Same Love.”)
First of all: it’s a song SUPPORTING US. AND IT’S IN MAINSTREAM! Do you know how blown my mind was when I heard that song on the radio? Do you realize how amazing that was? A song that hit number one status that has a positive GLBT message? And it wasn’t like I needed to read between the lines, no, it was flat out about us.
Second of all: who is it that we want support from? Straight people, right? So there’s one, right there, being supportive. Why is this a bad thing? For the most part people in the GLBT family are supportive of each other (I said “for the most part” because I know there’s people within groups who bash each other and that happens in every group but I’m not going to dwell on that), we aren’t outside yelling about equality to appease each other, but to show people outside of the group that we should be in this, too. So when someone outside of the group is like, “Yes you’re right,” the correct response should not be, “You’ll never understand so stop speaking for us,” it should be, “Thank you.”
Third of all: he never said that he understands where we’re coming from, he never said, “I can relate because I’m gay too.” He’s not gay. But just because someone isn’t something doesn’t mean that they don’t have feelings about the issue. Otherwise, who are we even talking to in regards to this battle for equality? I mean should we bash Beyonce for tweeting things like being for same sex marriage? Should we be like, “No sweetie you don’t understand, shut up.”
Good people understand that bashing someone or denying their rights because of race/gender/sexuality/size/whatever is wrong, and that everyone deserves the same rights and the same common courtesy. They’re on our side, so let’s not step on their toes. Let’s not be like, “Oh man I love a lady with curves skinny girls are a waste of anyone’s time.” And I’ve heard that in regards to my cosplay, and honestly, your compliment loses meaning when it’s, “You’re beautiful, way better than this person.”
Real talk, guys. I don’t really get the whole “plus” and “fat” thing sometimes and making fun of people for it. Well, I mean, it’s already dumb to make fun of people anyway? What I mean is… some of you have shared your pictures with me and I look at them and think, “How the hell is she/he considered fat at all?” Like when I think of “fat” I think of myself, honestly. I know I’m fat, I know this, but then I hear about others being made fun of for their weight and when I look at them they are 99.9 percent of the time smaller than me?
Not to mention that sizes are all screwed up anyway. I wish I shared what I found someone saying about them, but she pretty much commented on how, in her closet, none of the sizes are the same. She can be a 12 one day according to one store, a 16 according to another store, ect. And she’s right! I always say I’m a 28, but sometimes when I go to Lane Bryant I can fit their 24. Sometimes 28 is too loose and sometimes it’s just right. Hell, there’s like two or three dresses my wifey has that I can wear and we are nowhere NEAR the same size, those are like a 20? But they fit me and they fit me well. But how can I possible fit in something that’s 8 sizes smaller than what I normally wear?
And don’t get me started on jeans. I swear I have pairs in the same size all throughout and sometimes it’s tight on my legs, other times it’s loose and I need a belt. What is this science?
And then what is even “plus” like where does it start? I have a guilty pleasure in Top Model and I remember watching seasons and girls were “borderline plus” or “plus” and I think, “What really? That’s plus? Well damn I must be double dip that chip plus or something…” Like half the time I would get it because compared to the other girls, yeah, but other times I was like, “Are you just saying that to be different and stand out because…"
Not to mention that it feels like the clothing stores that even cater to me never show my size in their ads or magazines and things like that. You carry up to a 28, but none of the models are a 28, at all. Where’s the women who wear my ridiculous bra size? I mean yeah I guess their "plus” according to, you know, them wearing a 16 or something? But come on I know who shops at that store, because when I go looking for my large size in the clearance section (yes clearance shop ftw) it is always the first one gone. There are plenty of 14/16 shirts but 26/28? Forget it.
So I guess… I mean… I think all of you are beautiful, but it legitimately confuses me when you say you get picked on because a) ugh bullying just stop and b) wait what they think you’re fat really? I mean I know what fat is, and there’s nothing wrong with that I’m not saying that there is, but just… you do get what I’m saying?
holy fuck
Well…that escalated quickly.
I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT
but it turned out to be everything i wanted
Wow.
*slow clap*
Photoshop makes anything possible
Reblogging because I want all of my followers to be aware of just how much you can do in Photoshop, and how little of what you see on posters, in magazines and of pictures on the internet etc. are necessarily real.
I have never reblogged something so fast in my life.
Something I will never understand is this mindset to “stop whining.” Like, if someone is making fun of you, aren’t you supposed to stand up for yourself? With the cosplay article and stuff I’ve been told a few times (very few) to “stop whining” because that just fuels the haters more. Why is the expectation to just sit quietly, take in the nasty comments, and not say or do anything?
Granted, I didn’t say anything directly to the person who hated on me, but I did, at least, do something. There’s some people who just aren’t worth the effort because they’re literally just there to make you feel bad. But I could at least, you know, respond in my own way. I wrote an article and I fried some chicken. I said some stuff to show that, you know, this kind of thing happens, but that shouldn’t stop you from going out there and being you. How is that “whining” at all? I’ve been told to “own up to my fat” and like, I never once said that I didn’t? I know what I am, and I flat out said that.
Also, telling someone not to complain and whine isn’t helpful. Everyone reacts differently to things. Such nasty comments don’t bother me because I already have been called a bunch of names growing up, but there’s people who aren’t like me. There’s people who are affected by words, and you telling them to “stop whining” isn’t going to solve anything. They’re not going to magically be like, “Yeah, you’re right, I’m fat I should be proud.” I wasn’t like that before. It’s not like I was magically some woman who fried chicken in the face of my haters, no. It takes time to gain confidence, and there’s nothing wrong with it taking time. It’s not o.k. to look down on a plus sized person who gets upset about being called names. How is that going to help them? “Just shut up and laugh it off,” how is that encouraging at all? That’s just going to make someone feel worse, because not only are they suddenly “a fat whale” according to some asshole, but according to you they cry too much. According to you they’re just looking for sympathy and need to suck it up and move on. But, not everyone can move on, and you’re not going to help by trying to shove them forward.
You don’t fix a negative with a negative.
Should you be ashamed of who you are? No, of course not, you should love yourself. But the way you get someone to feel that love is by encouragement, and frankly, being called a cry baby isn’t encouraging. That article wasn’t looking for sympathy, at no point was I like, “I got made fun of whoa is me,” it was flat out, “Hey I got made fun of, it happens, but that shouldn’t stop you from doing what you love. There are a lot of people out there who will love what you do, so go out there and be you.” I mean for fuck’s sake, I fried chicken over it. I don’t need sympathy, and I’m not whining. I’m speaking my mind and telling others to not be afraid to cosplay because some asshole wants to call them names. But, at the same time, if it takes someone a minute to be at the level of confidence you want them to be at, then please, give them a minute. Eventually, they’ll be able to “laugh it off” and enjoy how wonderful they are, but if they can’t do that right this second, that’s fine too.
rifa:
rifa:
“how do you stay so skinny??”
I can’t fucking afford groceries
Kay. This though.
This one time during a spell where I was so broke I couldnt afford decent food and was rationing out what I had and friends literally brought m canned goods as gifts I worked a music video.. there was a crafty table with snacks for the crew and I started eating up. A make up girl scoffed at me and went ‘Oh, into the chips alreadly? How are you so skiiinnnyyyy???’
I was never so mortified by someone about my weight my entire lifeOnce when I was designing for a not-for-profit I was in between paychecks and survived a week on ramen and peanut butter. Not peanut butter sandwiches, just… peanut butter. Because I couldn’t afford bread. And everywhere I went, “Omg, you look so good!” “How do you stay so skinny?” I’M SO SKINNY BECAUSE I AM FUCKING BROKE DO YOU HEAR ME
POVERTY IS NOT SEXY
Oh and when I was working in the bridal store I was surrounded by insecure women and it made me feel horrible because they’d always use me as a way to fish for compliments and insult themselves simultaneously and it was very much a “Can you not” situation, but that’s a bit of a different story. *sighs*
When I was in high school there was a rumor I was anorexic, when actually I looked like shit because I was bordering on malnurished due to the house I was in had no decent food and I was just surviving.
Also the dozens of time on set I felt shamed for eating, when film is made up of mostly men who are used to actesses being size zero and eating nothing but chicken on spinach they make comments when the costume girl who is working her ass off loads up at lunch or has a donut at 11pm to try and keep herself awake and happy for the late night. What the fuck.
Shit, dude, I’m sorry you had to put up with that. :C *hands you tasty things to make you feel better*
I’ve not had it to that extent, but I did get called anorexic a few times in middle/high school, which was total bull because back then my metabolism was so fast that I would faint if I skipped a meal. Happened a couple of different times, freaked the hell out of my classmates. Clearly they did not care that these two things are on opposite ends of the spectrum and just thought “skinny = anorexic! Oh, the cleverness of me!” Then when I got to college my body went into major starvation mode and most of my calories came from bad (but free!) library coffee. Even when I could afford to eat well, I was running from job to job/class to class and just burning it all off.
I abhor being put on the spot about my body type and eating habits, because it usually boils down to “you need to eat a cheeseburger!” and me saying “BUY ME ONE AND I WILL.” (Not that it will make much of a difference.) One of many reasons I left the bridal industry was because the conversation just… inevitably turned to weight and body type and people never being satisfied with how they looked, and then using ME as a meter for THEIR progress, and I can’t begin to describe how unhealthy and wrong that is. And my boss at the time would stare at me while I was eating and make comments like “See, you can AFFORD to eat like that” and it’s just like NO STOP. >_<
Body image is so messed up. Like, one of my cousins was told to lose weight. He (yep, he) actually did lose weight. I came home from college one time and he had lost a lot of weight. But the sad part is that he told me that as soon as he started to lose weight, you know, after people in our family and friends kept calling him overweight and stuff, that their first reaction was, “Are you eating? How are you losing weight? Are you sick or something?”
So it was like, hey, you’ve been telling him to lose weight and then when he does your first reaction is that something must be wrong? That he’s not eating? But you’re the ones who said that he should lose the weight!
- it’s okay for you to like skinny girls
- it’s okay for you to like skinny girls with big boobs and a butt
- it’s okay for you to like curvy girls
- it’s okay for you to like heavier girls
- it’s totally okay to like thighs or thigh gaps and big boobs or small boobs and big butts or little butts
- what’s not okay is telling a woman that she isn’t beautiful or sexy because she doesn’t meet your personal body type preferences
FUCKING THANK YOU. LORD.
*slow clap*
So, it happened. I got my first comment on the article that went something like this:
Come on man!! Why would anyone let themselves
go like this, and claim to be proud to be
FAT???????????????????????????????????????
And here is my response, which I am sharing, because I think it’s important to say:
Because fat is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s a body type. I’ve been fat for a long time, from back when I was a kid. It doesn’t mean I’m lazy or that I “let myself go.” I still do all the things that skinny geeks do: cosplay, conventions, video games, anime, hanging out with friends, ect. Sorry I’m not the fat lump who sits on the couch and is depressed and beating themselves up, but realistically, most of us aren’t.
I can be proud because of what I’ve done in my life. I graduated college, I’ve published a book, I have two more on the way, I’ve written for a lot of geeky websites about the things I love, and I’ve been in a relationship for 12 years. I have a house, a car, and am writing on a daily basis, which is what I studied in college.
The things I’m proud of have nothing to do with my size, I didn’t accomplish these things because I’m fat nor did I treat my size like a handicap to stop me from doing the things I want. THAT’S what I’m proud of. Fat does not equal incapable.
***
I’m really tired of this assumption that fat people are just lazy folks who don’t do anything, because that is so far from the truth that it’s laughable. Lazy people come in a variety of sizes, lazy is not something exclusive to fat people. Fat people can be active, hell, they ARE active. Fat doesn’t mean someone just gave up and decided to be a lump that eats all the time and does nothing else, despite what the weight loss commercials will tell you (oh whoa is me I’m so sad and fat that I can’t even get up and play with my kids but with diet pill plus now only did I lose weight but I went to the hair salon and went shopping for new clothes). Despite what the media will tell you, I:
1. Do not eat all the time
2. Am not single and miserable
3. Am not friendless
4. Do not have fat, miserable friends
5. Do not have a hatred/jealousy towards skinny people
6. Do not try to fool myself into fitting into a size 12 when I’m a size 26/28
7. Am not stuck wearing hideous clothes
8. Am not incapable of “being pretty”
Here is the truth about me:
1. I eat the same amount as any other person, I’m not gorging on an entire chicken or eating ice cream for dessert
2. I have been in a relationship for 12 years
3. I have a lot of friends who come in a variety of sizes, from fat like me to skinny as can be
4. I do not hate my skinny friends. I am not jealous of them. I love them, and to that extent
5. I do not think they are friends with me because they pitty my fat existence, they are not trying to change me and I wouldn’t even be cosplaying this much if it weren’t for them
6. I’m a big girl who wears big clothes. So what. There are places with clothes that fit us right (thank you Lane Bryant for existing) I’m not a big girl who tries to squeeze into something she can’t fit, if it’s not comfortable I ain’t wearin’ it.
7. Despite be being in denial about my cuteness when people bring it up, that’s just me being blushy and flustered. Truth is, I’m pretty damn cute.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to purchase Pacific Rim and geek all over it when it arrives in the mail.
And this is why I put myself out there. These assumptions are not only terrible, but they’re old and inaccurate. Fat does not, does not, does NOT mean incapable.
