Being insulted is one thing.
But insulting friends? That’s grounds for a Cupcake Bomb.
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You know what else drives me nuts? (sorry ranting a lot today).
All right, so you assume that fat people just eat all sorts of unhealthy foods, but we don’t! I love fruit. I love salad. I love vegetables. Love them! And the thing that really drives me insane is that if someone does see me eating these things, “Oh good! You’re trying to lose weight after all!"
Can’t a big girl just like salad?
So let’s review.
The assumption is that all I eat are fried foods and cake, to the point that if I even look at a slice of apple pie there’s that judgmental look, even if you have no idea what’s inside my fridge at home, if this pie is even for me, when the last time I had pie was, and you know damn well that I’m not the only person in the universe eating apple pie.
If I say that I do eat things like fruits and vegetables it’s not because I like them, its because I’m trying to lose weight.
So in other words it doesn’t matter what the hell I eat you already have your insults at the ready.
Hence why I just stopped caring. No matter what I do haters already have an image of what my fridge looks like. They’ll never get out of my fridge, they’ll just keep it stocked with whipped cream and pudding pops. If they’re so bored that they have to comment on what they assume another person eats, then that’s their problem, not mine, and not my fellow fat men and women. It’s none of their business to begin with, but if they’re lives are so dull that they have nothing better to do than to be like, "Ha ha ha fat people like to eat,” then that’s what’s truly pathetic.
I’ll be busy living life.
lovelygirlsandgeekystuff reblogged this from you and added:
fat haters don’t have much imagination or creativity…are they mad at yours? :3
Fat haters can only come up with a select variety of insults which usually revolve around food, laziness, and large animals. Therefore, they run out of ammo quickly. I mean… how often can you tell someone that they eat a lot before it gets old? The best you can do is change the food you think they eat, really. Fried chicken gets turned into brownies, or something like that, you know? Gotta keep those food jokes coming along! They’re really clever!
Hater: Twinkies! Bet she likes Twinkies!
Me: Actually I prefer cupcakes you uncultured swine.
It’s the same punchlines from high school, and I graduated high school in 2001, so that’s how old this is.
Not really a rant, more of an… observation?
A friend of mine is hoping to do a plus sized cosplay panel at Anime Detour this year and I’m happy to say that she has all sorts of panelists in mind, including a male voice too. I really do think in this plus sized cosplay supportive circle we should hear more from men. I’ve said before that there’s this assumption about men being, well… pricks towards women in the geek circle, or that the ones being bashed on are always women, but that’s not the case at all. Bullying doesn’t discriminate.
Now I’m not saying the ladies don’t need love and support, because they do, and yeah there are jack ass men (i.e.: the one who continued to comment on my article this week), but I feel like all it takes is one jerk of a guy to say something for people to assume that every single guy you come across is going to be like that. They’re going to assume that “anime/cartoon characters are supposed to be skinny and beautiful,” or whatever the quote is that that guy said on my article I don’t even remember anymore. They’ll assume that all a man cares about with cosplay is if he can fantasize about the girl and that’s it. There’s no way he likes the cosplay because he likes the detail and construction and he likes the character, nope, he just wants to think about that girl in his bed. All because of that one random guy who makes a dumb ass comment.
And I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, but I’m guilty of this assumption, too! The first time I wore Tiana the first person who gave me a compliment was a guy and I thought, “… o.k. what parallel universe is this I’m not Catwoman I’m a Disney princess…” but honestly, I actually do have a lot of male fans! And I am deeply sorry, gentlemen, for the assumptions I made in the beginning. I’ve gotten much better about it, though :)
But I think we also assume that men don’t have issues with their body. We assume that a man can just walk around, being as plus sized as he wants, and he gets no crap for it. But that’s not true at all. There are men who are just as uncertain about this as we are, who won’t cosplay even if they want to, or they assume that they need to cosplay “the fat guy” because that’s their body type. There are men who get intimidated when they see that hard bodied shirtless Goku cosplayer and think, “Well nevermind I shouldn’t do it at all.” They see some guy pull off the skintight Venom cosplay and shake their heads because they don’t look like that, so they shouldn’t even attempt it.
So all and all, I hope this panel comes to life for Anime Detour, and I think hearing a variety of voices would be great :) If it does become a thing I’ll post about it ^^
Something I will never understand is this mindset to “stop whining.” Like, if someone is making fun of you, aren’t you supposed to stand up for yourself? With the cosplay article and stuff I’ve been told a few times (very few) to “stop whining” because that just fuels the haters more. Why is the expectation to just sit quietly, take in the nasty comments, and not say or do anything?
Granted, I didn’t say anything directly to the person who hated on me, but I did, at least, do something. There’s some people who just aren’t worth the effort because they’re literally just there to make you feel bad. But I could at least, you know, respond in my own way. I wrote an article and I fried some chicken. I said some stuff to show that, you know, this kind of thing happens, but that shouldn’t stop you from going out there and being you. How is that “whining” at all? I’ve been told to “own up to my fat” and like, I never once said that I didn’t? I know what I am, and I flat out said that.
Also, telling someone not to complain and whine isn’t helpful. Everyone reacts differently to things. Such nasty comments don’t bother me because I already have been called a bunch of names growing up, but there’s people who aren’t like me. There’s people who are affected by words, and you telling them to “stop whining” isn’t going to solve anything. They’re not going to magically be like, “Yeah, you’re right, I’m fat I should be proud.” I wasn’t like that before. It’s not like I was magically some woman who fried chicken in the face of my haters, no. It takes time to gain confidence, and there’s nothing wrong with it taking time. It’s not o.k. to look down on a plus sized person who gets upset about being called names. How is that going to help them? “Just shut up and laugh it off,” how is that encouraging at all? That’s just going to make someone feel worse, because not only are they suddenly “a fat whale” according to some asshole, but according to you they cry too much. According to you they’re just looking for sympathy and need to suck it up and move on. But, not everyone can move on, and you’re not going to help by trying to shove them forward.
You don’t fix a negative with a negative.
Should you be ashamed of who you are? No, of course not, you should love yourself. But the way you get someone to feel that love is by encouragement, and frankly, being called a cry baby isn’t encouraging. That article wasn’t looking for sympathy, at no point was I like, “I got made fun of whoa is me,” it was flat out, “Hey I got made fun of, it happens, but that shouldn’t stop you from doing what you love. There are a lot of people out there who will love what you do, so go out there and be you.” I mean for fuck’s sake, I fried chicken over it. I don’t need sympathy, and I’m not whining. I’m speaking my mind and telling others to not be afraid to cosplay because some asshole wants to call them names. But, at the same time, if it takes someone a minute to be at the level of confidence you want them to be at, then please, give them a minute. Eventually, they’ll be able to “laugh it off” and enjoy how wonderful they are, but if they can’t do that right this second, that’s fine too.
Here’s a message from me to you, because it’s come up again, only this time on Facebook.
The reason why I want to be positive as much as possible in regards to cosplay bashing is because there’s some great people out there who are actually afraid to cosplay because of crap like this. Cosplay is supposed to be fun, you shouldn’t be scared. You shouldn’t be scared to have fun. I’ve personally decided to stick with being positive, because that seems to encourage people more than me posting something and being upset, or even pissed off. I’m well aware of what I look like and that some people might not like it. That’s nothing new.
That’s the thing that really kills me with this stuff. People who make bad comments think they’re the first, that they’re so clever with their “whale” remarks and pig pictures and whatnot. Sweetie, bullying isn’t new. I’m a kid from the 80s, o.k.? I am well aware that I was the fat geek girl, and let me tell you, being a fat, black, geek girl in Chicago in the 90s (my middle school and high school years) was not the norm. People still think that black geek girls are this rare thing when, honestly, we’re not. If it’s still a surprise to people now, can you imagine the 90s, when anime was still this new thing? When video games didn’t even have ESRB ratings yet? I was here when the Nintendo was first introduced. That’s how long I’ve been a geek. If you think boys poke girls for their geekiness now, you should’ve seen it back then. Combine that with being overweight and, yeah, easy target practice to some people.
So I’ve been through this, and to be honest, I didn’t have nearly as much support back then as I do now with the geek community. Back then it was reversed, there were more “you’re weird” folks and you’d be lucky to find someone on your side. I had people on my side, but not NEARLY as much as I do now. Not even close. And when I think about that, and that person who is scared to cosplay the character they love because they think they’ll be harassed, all I want to do is be positive for them and for myself.
Now, to be honest, there is a ping of pain when I get a negative remark. It does get to me. I don’t want to come off as someone who just isn’t effected by bullying, because it hurts. Here’s what I realize, though. I realize that I’m not that pudgy kid who people thought was weird for watching anime and wanting a Super Nintendo instead of Barbie dolls. I’m 30, and these remarks have been made towards be many times before. Before I had an amazing group of friends and followers who support me. Before there were communities and groups that showcase plus sized people, and not in a way that’s strictly, “These people should lose weight.” That still happens, but that’s not all we have now. We have “fat is beautiful” groups. We have “black is beautifuI” groups. We have “geek girls are awesome” groups. We have these things now.
I survived the harsh comments before these things existed. Now, I want to own who I am, and inspire others :) Please remember that you aren’t alone and there are people out there who will love what you do.
I love what you do <3
- “We’re your family, we’re allowed to make fun of you”
- “Come on, it’s just a joke”
- “toughen up and stop being a baby”
- “We’re just teasing”
BULLYING IS BULLYING NO MATTER WHO IT COMES FROM.
IT JUST HURTS A SHITLOAD A LOT MORE WHEN ITS COMING FROM PEOPLE YOU TRUST
SCREW OFF.
this post will often go weeks without a note
and then there’ll be a holiday
and it resurfaces
and that makes me sad
Family and/or friend bullying is the worst. The people who are close to you who don’t consider it bullying because they’re close to you. But the absolute worst is the roundabout bullying, when they think they’re doing you a favor, when they think they’re being helpful. "Are you sure you should wear that because you’re this,“ or, "People might make fun of you,” and, “I love you but…”
