And Lonnie thought coming out had been difficult.

Though, to be fair, she hadn’t done that on her own terms. Having such a large family meant that it was damn near impossible to keep any secrets. One of her cousins had told another cousin who told the third one, who then proceeded to spread the word to the fourth one and the fourth one’s much chattier sister, who then blurted it out during one of Penny Knox’s patented Sunday dinners.

By then, the story had morphed into an otherworldly being where Lonnie had gone from holding a girl’s hand on the way to school to having a full-blown make-out session in the locker room of her eighth-grade gym class. A mortified Lonnie had no choice but to tell the true story and reveal her feelings for the cute girl in her class, and she swore that no junior high make-out session had happened. She should’ve ratted out her pimple-faced cousin, who she’d seen kissing a boy – tongue and all – but Lonnie had been too busy worrying about her Grand-Penny’s reaction to her liking girls that way. She’d expected some tears and some, “Where did I go wrong in raising you,” but, to her surprise, her grandmother told her cousin off for sticking her nose in other people’s business.

“And I know damn well yo’ fast ass be out there with them little boys,” which had proven that Penny Knox was, in fact, a mutant fresh out of Xavier’s School of the Gifted – a reference Lonnie held dear because her crush had a thing for Storm.

Sometimes we come out of the closet.

Sometimes, there was never a closet to begin with.

And other times… we get an unwanted push.

Don’t be like Lonnie’s cousins.

You can find more information about my book via the website or the Facebook page <3 Take care, magical ones!

So this is random but it’s part of my NaNo story so it’s in my head.

When I was coming out (I was 18 at the time so 2001) I actually, legitimately, thought that being gay was a white thing because I couldn’t think of any black queer people in my life who I could look at. To my knowledge there was no one in my family, the one girl I knew of on my block was labelled “confused” because she was bisexual, and I couldn’t think of any positive representation in the media at the time.

Representation is so important.

Today is National Coming Out Day, so I wanted to write up something about coming out, especially since our 14 year anniversary was 3 days ago :)

I was thinking about it today and how, when I told my mom, she was completely accepting and even wondered why I would hesitate to tell her in the first place. And she’s right, because my mom has never been the judgmental type, and has always been supportive.

But thinking about it today I realized that my hesitation didn’t really stem from being worried about telling her… it stemmed from the realization that this was going to be a thing I would have to do, multiple times, and there would be different reactions each time.

Because despite what they make it sound like… you don’t come out just once.

The first person I came out to was myself. I had to admit it to myself and that took some getting used to. Growing up, queer representation was scarce, and black queer representation was pretty much nonexistent save for the sassy black friend, the butt of the joke, or the “don’t tell anyone” and being ashamed of it. It’s still an issue now. There’s still a lack of representation, and there are people who make you feel like you have to choose one over the other in regards to which you will support when the truth of the matter is… you need support of both, because they’re both a part of your life.

So the idea of even being gay was scary because it wasn’t a thing in the black community, as far as I knew when I was 18 and going off to college in 2001. It wasn’t something that was talked about, and the one big example I had in my neighborhood was labelled as “being confused” because she went between men and women. The expectation was to have a boyfriend, so when I realized I liked a girl I thought there was something wrong with me. So it took a moment for be to even speak it out loud.

Then I started coming out to people. The benefit was that I was in college, away from home, in an environment where a lot of people were really starting to get to know themselves and grow. It also helped that I was in the college of Liberal Arts and Science, so the idea of being gay wasn’t like this alien concept. It was something we discussed in Women’s Studies, people wrote about it in my English classes, we had professors with Safe Zone stickers, so coming out in college wasn’t really difficult.

The difficult part was coming back home for holiday breaks and shutting all of that down, because back at home, I wasn’t queer, I was the straight girl whose boyfriend had stopped talking to her when she went off to college, and who, someday, would have a boyfriend again – maybe even a husband and children. But the moment I told my mom I knew that was the start of coming out to different people in my family and friend circles back at home, and I was terrified.

While I definitely had “back at home” friends and family who wouldn’t care, there were some I was worried about. It’s not like they showed severely homophobic tendencies, but sometimes, they’d say things that would make me go, “Oh.” A comment on a gay character in a movie, or a gay person in general. Maybe a derogatory term about that person. The fact that I had had a boyfriend before just made me even more nervous, because, “You’re just confused,” or, “It’s just a phase,” or even, “Is this because of Women’s Studies,” came to mind (fun fact: all of those things have been said to me while coming out) Things like that stick with you when you decide to come out, and even if this is a person who is normally understanding and loving toward you… you remember those moments. And it wasn’t easy coming out to these people, particularly my dad, but I eventually did and they eventually got used to it and don’t treat me any differently.

But, after all that, I had to go and come out to my partner’s parents, and that was an entirely different layer of stress. I won’t really go into it because that’s her own story, but let’s just say I was a roommate for several years before finally getting the daughter-in-law status I have today. But it didn’t stop there, I had to come out again when I started working because people would ask about the ring on my finger, or just assume I had a boyfriend because I worked in a video game store, or even the simple question of who can use your employee discount and explaining that you don’t have a spouse because it wasn’t legal at the time. And then I had to come out again at my grandmother’s funeral because my partner came with me. People asked, “Who is that girl,” because she was sitting with us, up front, with the rest of the family.

So this process is constant, and continuous, and will probably never end. I’ll meet someone else who doesn’t realize that “partner” means life partner. And that’s fine, because it’s not like I feel the need to explain to every person I meet on the street about my sexuality. You kinda know who you want to tell. I just want people to realize why coming out is such a big deal. Even if you’re supportive and just don’t understand why someone close to you wouldn’t tell you, the truth of the matter is that you are one person out of several that is going to be told this information. So those nerves aren’t just from your reaction, but from a lifetime of reactions that are coming up. That’s why your support is so valuable, because there is a high chance that your loved one is going to run into someone they have to come out to who won’t be supportive, whether it’s directly, or indirectly.

So when that loved one decides to be open with you, don’t just reassure them that you’re 100% o.k. with them, thank them for opening up to you, and trusting you with that information :)

Happy National Coming Out Day <3

brichibiwritesthings:

“Maybe he’s right. Maybe I am the cause of this. Maybe you were normal before meeting me.” 

When something tragic happens, you want nothing more than to close your eyes and make all of the pain go away. For Gable Peterson it’s a little more complicated than that. When detective Maurice Ashford shows up at his door with news that his boyfriend, Avery Blair, has been found dead, Gable is left devastated. Seeking some sort of comfort, Gable closes his eyes and imagines a world where none of this happened. 

Only, when Gable wakes up, he’s surprised to see that Avery is still alive.

My second book is out now!  The physical copy should be about a month away, but now you can get the ebook copy  <3  Thanks for your support, everyone  :)  The third book, “Seeking the Storyteller,” will be available soon!

Since it’s National Coming Out Day, I thought I would share my story.  By the way, the offer of messaging me your story is still open, if you need someone to come out to.  It’s a hard thing to do, but it’s also something you want to get out there.  It’s hard to keep it in, but it’s also hard to keep in because you don’t want to hide.  So I’m here for that  :)

Anyhow, story under the cut.

Keep reading

davinci678

 said: 

So that’s really a day? I had honestly never heard of that. How do people agree on such things if a lot of the community is behind secretive? :0

Just because some people are still in the closet doesn’t mean that we’re not aware of the community  :)  It’s not really being secretive, not to me.  It’s being worried about what others think.  Like, for example, in college when I was on campus I was pretty much out?  Like I didn’t broadcast it but I talked about my partner.  But when I went back home, I was straight again, because I was worried about telling them.

Honestly, I just heard about this day last year.  Coming out can be pretty scary, depending on the situation you’re in.  Even if you’re in a good situation, there’s so many horror stories with it or off-handed things people say that can make you wary about doing it.  I remember in like, college, we were watching “In and Out,” which is about a guy getting married but then he realizes he’s gay.  Anyhow, one of my aunts asked my dad, “What if she were gay?”  And he flat out said, “She’s not.”  At the time, I wasn’t with my partner, but stuff like that sticks with you when you do realize you’re gay, or trans, or bi, or asexual, or anything.  In fact, part of me thinks that the hardest person to come out to sometimes is yourself.  I flat out denied it, to the point of ignoring the girl I liked (who is now my partner).  I denied it because being gay wasn’t something that was really talked about.  My dad flat out said “no she’s not” just from watching a movie, the thought of telling him that I was gay?  No.  

But more on that on the actual day itself, that’s… an interesting story.

So October 11th is National Coming Out Day.  I had a thought.  If you need someone to come out to, anon or not, feel free to send me a message  :)  Coming out isn’t easy, and I definitely plan on sharing my story on Friday, but I thought I would put this out there now.  I have a couple of different coming out stories, from my parents, to my partner’s parents, to friends, and just… yeah, I feel like everyone had a different reaction so it’s kind of a different story each time.  Some good.  Some not so good.  But all important to me in some way.

brichibiwritesthings:

In my upcoming book, “Double Hue,” Gable Peterson has to tell his parents about his boyfriend, Avery Blair.  Avery’s parents didn’t take the news so great, so they’re not too thrilled about telling Gable’s parents.  Fortunately, they seem to take it well!  Now… they just need to adjust to the idea  ^^;;;

To all the parents who are supportive of your children, thank you so much, it means the world to us.  And for those kids out there who think your parents won’t get it… sometimes, they just need some time.  Sometimes, they really are trying.  Yes, being gay should be accepted, but we live in a society where it’s not seen as “the norm.”  So your parents may need some time  :)

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Updating the writing blog with things, and stuff!  Exciting!  Check it out!  That’s… the extent of my brain power right now.

lacigreen:

perf

Thank.  You.  So.  Much.  I wish I had this retort when I got the:

1.  Oh it’s because your boyfriend was a jerk

2.  You haven’t slept with a man so how do you know

3.  Oh that’s right your second major is Women’s Studies

brichibiwritesthings:

I often wonder, at the holiday gatherings of my partner’s family, how I will be introduced. When I first moved up here back in 2006, I got the prestigious label of “roommate.“ We had our “coming out” visit before the move, and it was made abundantly clear that “the lesbians in the room" would not be addressed as such when others were around. Then, we ate Subway sandwiches and called it a wash.

When you hear stories of “coming out,“ you tend to hear two sides. The first being “acceptance” and the other being “flat out hatred.“ However, there’s a middle ground that isn’t always discussed, and that middle ground hurts just as much as “flat out hatred.” The fake smiles served at family dinners, the mashed potatoes combined with the “roommate" label, that leaves a bitter taste in your mouth while you eat Thanksgiving dinner with the “in-laws" you’re not supposed to acknowledge. 

Couldn’t I at least be a friend of their child? 

This gets more awkward when you realize that the rest of the family has honed in on the truth. Aunts and uncles who can read between the lines, cousins your age who are hip with the GLBT community, the younger brother who accepts you without a care in the world. But my partner’s mother and father still fought it, still denied it, and it became a thing to get use to every holiday. Always wear the roommate smile, that poor girl whose family don’t live in the area so she’s passing the gravy around at her not-family Christmas.

Then, something changed.

We decided to get a house close to two years ago. We saved up our money and found a house we liked. The downpayment, however, increased and we suddenly couldn’t afford it. But then, like some sort of suburban super woman, mother-in-law came through and gave us the rest of the money. Father-in-law appeared through the clouds next to her, with hammer and nails, fixing our kitchen and telling us about the wonderful world of appliances and counter tops. The change had been made in the blink of an eye, and suddenly, the roommate status was dropped.

But the feelings still linger.

I still wonder, when meeting the rest of the family and old friends of the in-laws, how will I be introduced. I still wonder what they think of me, if they’re proud of what I’m trying to accomplish, if they’re excited about the published works of a jobless girl who their daughter is in love with. 

I still wonder… until yesterday.

Yesterday was the 4th of July, and we went over to watch the fireworks at their new house. As the guests came in I held my breath, waiting for that introduction to ring through the air. And then, father-in-law said it.

“This is Briana. My daughter’s partner.”

And now, I don’t wonder anymore.

How I spent the fourth of July  :)