Well that was rather… interesting?
I just woke up from a kind of strange, but somewhat meaningful dream. I was watching someone play Super Mario Galaxy. I think it was a new one, like part three, because it wasn’t a stage I recognized at all. But anyway, I heard my mom call me to come downstairs because it was time to go. I don’t know where I was supposed to be going, I still don’t, but I went downstairs.
And she was standing there with my brother.
Now, a few things before I continue.
1. I have only dreamt about my brother since he passed away two other times. I only remember one of those times but I remember that it was twice (though I guess in that sense it could’ve been more than two, but I only remember one). That one dream I remember was him actually saying, “You should tell her,” in regards to me and my partner. So he actually told me to tell my mom about my partner. We were in my mom’s old apartment, I knew that he was supposed to be dead, and that was pretty much all he said to me.
2. Every time I dream about him, the ages aren’t right. He passed away when I was 13, but I’m never 13 in the dream, I’m whatever age I am at the time. Which is how I know he’s supposed to be dead. He’s still 26, no matter what, because that was how old he was when he died.
Which makes the dream I just woke up from really, really bizarre, because I’m 30 now. He should be older, right? But nope, 26. I’m still smaller than him in height so it feels like I’m 13?
Anyhow, my mom is standing there with my brother and all of my stuff is packed. Like everything. Not just clothes, but absolutely everything. And apparently, I’m supposed to spend the day with my brother. I asked him if anyone else is going with us, and he shakes his head and says that it’s just for us.
So I go outside with my bags and it’s raining like crazy. But I stand and wait for him to pull the car up so we can pack it up and go. For some reason I don’t ask why he packed all my stuff or anything, I’m just happy to go somewhere with him because it was always fun.
So he pulls up and I’m waiting for him to get out the car and help me pack it up with my stuff. But he doesn’t get out. He just sits there in the driver’s seat, looks at me, smiles and shakes his head before he starts to pull away.
Then I wake up.
And this really kind of startled me because… he died in a car accident. So in this dream he packed away all my things, left me with all of them, and drove off in his car.
Which… what?
O.K. so I had a bit of time to mull it over (aka lay in bed and stare at the ceiling like “what the hell was that?!”) But finally, I think I figured it out. One thing that gets me, on occasion, is when something good happens or if I’m making crafts and writing or just… anything, really, I have this moment of, “I wish he was here to see all of this.” Like this whole crafting/cosplay/writing thing wasn’t going on when I was 13 (the writing was, and watching anime, so I guess it was… sort of building up?)
This week I found out that two things I submitted are getting published. And I have tried submitting to Dreamspinner before, several times actually, and last year one short story finally made it into an anthology. So you can imagine my surprise that the first two things I sent in for this year just… made it. Just like that.
And suddenly this dream happens.
This dream where he packs all of my stuff, which means… he got to see all of it. Clothes, coasters, clocks, figures, video games, just… everything (and there weren’t that many suitcases yet somehow when I went downstairs to meet him and my mom, the living room was empty, and our living room is where I craft and write and everything). And I’m 30 in the dream so he got to see me as a 30 year old woman who is working to make all of this work. When he died I was 13. I was 13 for 2 months before he died. So I was still very much his little sister. I mean I still am but… I was actually older than him in the dream, which means… I grew up.
The first dream I remember having about him I was still younger than him. I was in my twenties. Very early twenties but still. So he still had to come and tell me to do something, like, “You should tell her,” about coming out to my mom. This time, he just… smiled at me and left.
So… yeah, that was… interesting.
It’s not a bad dream at all, it just… it throws me off when he shows up in dreams because it rarely happens. It was a good dream, overall, just… seeing him leave in the end kinda sucked for the simple fact that I’ll always miss him. But… I think I get what the whole thing meant, anyway.
Just… next time, it should definitely not be before 6 a.m. Then again my brother use to work the night shift so I guess 6 a.m. is nothing to him.
