Spent Friday and Saturday having a mini-vacation with my wifey before conventions start up again and to relax and de-stress. It worked perfectly :) While on vacation it became a weekend of trying new looks, from the red dress, to jumper, blonde hair, and even swimwear. Especially swimwear. I kinda have this love/hate relationship with swimwear: I love the way it looks but I hate it because I always think I look terrible. But I’ve been wanting a two piece since the whole fatkini movement, so we went out and I tried one on, along with other things.
It kinda turned into a weekend of feelin’ myself, of actually looking in the mirror and thinking I looked pretty damn good, and I think everyone should have moments where they look in that mirror and smile.
Hi, my name is Aesha (pronounced Asia). Sorry, just the thought of people fumbling over my name makes me giggle. Anyways, I've been overweight my whole life and just recently turned 18. I was wondering how you stay so body confident both in cosplay and in normal street clothes. Because as much as I would love to cosplay, I can't get past being too nervous with myself outside of sweat pants.
Hey Aesha! I would’ve pronounced your name wrong, too, lol. Anyhow, this may be a long answer, but I get wordy and stuff, so here we go!
Here’s the thing about confidence: it takes time. It’s something you constantly work at. I’m 31 years old and have had years of working on my confidence. I grew up in the 80s. I grew up in a time where there weren’t that many conventions, cosplay wasn’t as huge as it is now, anime was still new and video games were still growing. Being a geek was just not cool, and not “common” with black girls — so I was told. I somehow wasn’t “acting black” because I was into dragon balls and doing fatalities in Mortal Kombat. This is still a thing that happens sometimes, but it wasn’t nearly as big of a deal as it was when I was growing up.
So when I see it happen now I’m like, “This is so old.” I think bullies think they’re coming in with new material. The reality is, they’re not. Bullying is as old as time, you know? Calling someone fat? Thanks for the info, I already know what I look like. ”That person isn’t black.” Really? I could’ve sworn when I stared at the picture for reference her skin color changed. When I got bashed for my cosplay I had this moment of, “… really?” It kind of baffled me. Not because of the bullying itself, but the fact that it happened within the geek community. Growing up, the people who picked on geeks weren’t other geeks, it was the people outside the circle, the ones who didn’t get what made Saturday morning anime on Sci-Fi so great. It certainly wasn’t the geeky kid sitting next to me during lunch. So now my mind is like, “You have got to be kidding,” because… really? We’re all geeks, why are we bashing each other?
I also grew up with some pretty confident women around me. That whole black, independent woman thing was huge (still is). Someone talk shit about you? Fuck them. Someone hurt you? Set fire to their car. Someone hit you? Hit them back. Harder. Stab them. Something. Don’t take that shit lying down. I’m being serious, black women were (and still are) expected to be no nonsense sassy superstars. Someone told you you were fat? Whatever, you just can’t handle all this. And it’s not a bad mentality to have, but there’s something really important that I think people should admit to when it comes to confidence: it’s not something we have 24/7.
I know a lot of people talk about body positivity and confidence, which is fantastic, but something else to talk about is the fact that you’re not going to feel great all the time. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, has a bad day. That’s something really important to realize and why I really love it when people come out and say that. I love when these big names in the community open up like, “I didn’t always feel like I could take on the world.” Because it’s true. Insecurity isn’t exclusive to the chunky kid, or the black kid, or the gay kid, it happens to everyone, for different reasons. And even if you’re the most confident, black, female, fat, lesbian out there, sometimes you wake up feeling like crap. And that’s o.k. Sometimes the insecure fat kid in me wants to hide in a sweater. Sometimes the insecure little girl stands and watches the boys play video games and she wonders if she’s weird for wanting to play, too. Sometimes the black girl wonders if she’s good enough. Sometimes the lesbian questions if she should hold her wifey’s hand in certain areas they visit. It happens. It happens to everyone, and that’s normal.
Everyone has that doubtful voice in their head that tries to tell them that something is a bad idea. For instance, when my wifey said she could make Wonder Woman for me, I was really excited, but I also had this moment of, “Am I really about to cosplay this? She’s an icon. She’s not black, she’s not fat, she’s beautiful. Am I really about to do this?” But my wifey, as always, was by my side and that dress is one of my favorite things to cosplay. But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t intimidated at first. When you hear that insecure voice, address it, talk about it, tell someone, “I don’t know,” and talk about it. Don’t let it fester, you know? When I started to feel unsure I was like, “Oh man wifey, I dunno…” and she was like, “You’re going to be beautiful in this, I promise.” And you wanna know something funny? The day I posted that picture for the first time on my cosplay page, I did get bashed! Someone made a comment about how I looked like I was eating myself to death! But you know what? I felt so good in that dress and felt so gorgeous that confident Brichibi was there in an instant like, “Oh please.”
Comfort is also hugely important. Confidence is great, but it’s also important that you feel comfortable in what you’re wearing, and that adds to that confidence. I love that Wonder Woman dress and feel good it in. I did my own take on her, one that I would feel comfortable wearing and one that I thought would look good on me. Find things that make you feel good.
It’s all a process, really, and it’s not a race. Take your time. Just because you see a plus sized woman working her curves doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong if you’re not ready to do that yet. Take as long as you need. Try new things out. Have fun with it. Find groups that are body positive and share a picture. Start with a selfie and work your way up. Do something cute with your hair. Wear some new eyeshadow. Do what makes you feel good, that’s what this is all about: you feeling good about yourself.
If you can’t see yourself stepping out of sweats, work those sweats! Sporty looks are cute! Get some cute tennis shoes to match. And smile. A smile goes a long way. Then work your way up, get some cute jeans, maybe a skirt that reaches your ankles. Have fun with your wardrobe, have fun in the things that make you feel comfortable. And as far as cosplay goes, don’t be afraid to alter an outfit into something you want to wear. That’s what I did with Wonder Woman, and it’s fun coming up with new styles and interpretations to characters.
Hey remember that one time I didn’t give a fuck what assholes thought and I decided to wear whatever the fuck I want because I’m pretty damn cute? Cuz I sure do.
Jesus christ you’re cute
Bless this post.
I swear everything I do is going to equal fat to some people.
Have a college degree in English and Women’s Studies? That’s glorifying obesity.
Get an award from my Women’s Studies Department? That’s glorifying obesity.
Get a book published? That’s glorifying obesity.
Get another book published? Double the fat.
A third? Triple cheeseburger!
Two short stories? Super-size me.
Edit books? With a side of fries!
Snuggle with my cats? That’s glorifying obesity.
Plan my wedding? Obesity.
Cosplay? Obesity.
Woodburn? OBESITY!
All these things are bringing me closer to death because everything I do is glorifying obesity and obesity kills and people are just concerned for my well being so obesity obesity OBESITY! No matter what I do there’s always going to be those people who only see the chunkiness of my size instead of my accomplishments, which is why I always say do the things that make you happy, don’t worry about these people. You could invent a way to breathe in space without a helmet and be a godsend to NASA, but these people will still tell you that you’re showing fat people how to be lazy because now they don’t have to put any effort into lifting their arms up to put on the helmet.
Just keep doing you, o.k.?
These quotes are all things that have been said to me in regards to my body and my race. It’s not everything that’s ever been said to me, oh no, not even close, but they’ve been said as recently as last month.
Don’t let the negatives take over, don’t let them weigh you down and dictate who you are. Don’t let them cover up the things that make you, you.
So my wifey sent me a link to a meme generator and things happened. Because, you know, I always speak on cosplay and positivity and loving yourself, but those ramblings get long, so here’s some quick memes to keep you going in cosplay and, well, anything you need them for :) Share them, save them, print them out and put them by your fabric as a reminder that you’re awesome and should be having fun instead of stressing about someone’s opinion <3
The Wonder Woman meme is pretty much my feelings on cosplay. Have fun, be whatever you want, love yourself, the end :)
The Tiana meme is pretty much my feelings on fat bashing and this idea that, somehow, a fat person’s existence glorifies obesity. This is a ridiculous notion. You can’t say that a fat person is lazy and useless and needs to go out and do something, then when that person does go out and does something you shoot them down. Me being in this world is about me enjoying my life, period. My weight is simply that: my weight, but there’s more to me then that, and honestly, if you choose (yes, choose, because your opinions are a choice) to be bothered my a woman who has some rolls and flabby arms then I feel sorry for you, because there is so much more to this life than one fat lady in a costume.
This is the story of a geeky anime/gaming gal by the name of Chibi. Please fasten your seat belts and prepare for... some sort of ride? Oh! I love to write, and I also love doing crafty things. I go to conventions with my partner and sell woodburned things, clocks, mirrors, and more! So expect to see those on here too :)
