Oh!  You’re welcome  :)  Thanks for doing the interview!  I really love Martin, lol, we’ve become friends over the years and I actually had no idea that depression was an issue for him, and I figured if he’s brave enough to come out and say it, I can too.  

Honestly I’ve been wanting to make a post about it since it’s been a topic lately, and like I said, even if I know its something that runs in my family and my mom is open about it part of me is still like, “Eh…” because it’s looked at so negatively sometimes, like its something you can just turn on and off and be fine, but it doesn’t work like that.  It just happens so randomly and sometimes you can’t explain it, even if you want to, and the response isn’t always so great, you know?  Some people think they can just be like, “Stop,” and that’s all it takes, but when that cloud happens it ain’t movin’ for a while and it sucks.  

It sucks because, if you’re like me, you’re telling yourself, “Get up, move, do something,” and when you don’t you just feel even worse, like, “Ugh I suck I can’t even get up,” and you start feeling guilty (I especially feel guilty because I actually work from home so if I get in this funk and get nothing done I feel really lousy).  Then I’d feel bad for admitting it, like, “I’m depressed,” because people take it so lightly, but I’ve seen how heavy it can get, not just from my own experience but from my mother, who I guess has had therapy as a child, and has been in the hospital a few times, and on medication, and it really took that punch to the gut of my brother passing away for her to be like, “Nope.  THIS is the worst thing I can go through, and if I can make it through that, I can make it through anything.” And, in a way, that helps me, too.  If something really devastating happens (for example, in college, I lost my scholarship) she’ll be like, “It’s o.k., just cry it’s o.k., but you know what you know we’ve been through worse, we’ll get through this, too.”  And it works.  

But it shouldn’t reach that point with people, you should definitely talk to someone, which I do and my mom does, we talk to each other a lot. Because, sure, there’s that whole “we’ve been through worse” mentality, but that doesn’t mean whatever is getting you down isn’t upsetting.  I mean hell, my brother being gone IS something that gets us down, I mean, his birthday is coming up and like clockwork we’ll both feel like shit, so we just talk, go about our day, she may watch movies and I may go to the zoo with my partner, whatever it takes.  

tacticalnymphomania:

Here’s the first part of an amazing interview. Thank you so much to martininamerica for this powerful bit.

This is important.  Listen to this.  This is really, really important.  

Also, I’m going to get a bit personal, and reveal something that not a lot of people know.  Depression runs in my family.  It’s something I’ve been learning overtime and my mother is very, very open about it.  There were times growing up where she would be in the hospital.  I wouldn’t really understand why she was there, but she was.  She also had medication she would take, and also has gone through therapy.  I didn’t really know what the pills were for, I just knew she had them.  I really learned about the whole thing when my brother died, because when he died she actually flushed all of her pills down the toilet, because, “I don’t need these anymore, there’s nothing worse than this.”    

As I got older she went into more detail.  "Remember when I was in the hospital that time?  It was because of depression.  It runs in our family.“ What makes me so upset about depression is that people take it so lightly, they act like its not that serious, and they mock treatment of it. My mom has said time and time again that there is nothing wrong with therapy, there’s no shame with it, but there’s this idea that it is shameful, you know?   

Sometimes, I do get depressed.  I’m pretty positive all the time, and it may be partly because I prefer smiles over the alternative, but sometimes those days hit and they hit hard.  I’ll sit around and do nothing.  I’ll feel like a failure.  I’ll feel ugly.  I’ll feel everything.  And sometimes I break down, and it gets bad, like, "Oh god I can’t breathe,” bad, and at first I didn’t really label it as “depression.”  Even if I know it runs in my family to the point where my own mother has seen people for it, there’s still that stigma.  But, like she’s told me so easily, “It runs in our family, child.  I’m depressed. You’re depressed.  We’re all depressed. Every single one of us.”  And the way she says it reminds me that there’s nothing wrong with it, and to – for the love of god – talk to someone about it.  To not try and face it alone.

So finally I started talking to my partner about it.  Originally, I would just be quiet, not say anything, push her away when she’d try to comfort me, tell her to leave me alone.  Now, I just accept it.  If I have a bad day for whatever reason (feeling like I’m getting nowhere with my writing, frustrated over trying to get to conventions to promote our work, wondering if self-employment is the right decision, missing my older brother, take your pick) I tell her.  If she’s at work I message her.  She’ll bring me home something (for instance, the stuffed Penguin I’ve named “Nagisa”), we’ll go driving, just… anything.  It’s important to have someone you can talk to, and if you can’t get that from family or friends, take Martin’s advice here and go online, find like minded people, go on Tumblr, look at pictures, read fic, play video games, meet a new friend via fandoms, whatever it takes. 

Depression is serious, and it needs to stop being seen as something that’s not a big deal.  My mother was on medication but the thing that really, really got her out of it was the death of my brother.  Don’t let it get that far, o.k.?  Talk to someone now. 

brichibiwritesthings:

snowtigra:

(Ok, this is serious guys and I felt the need to write something with all of the court cases going on right now.  I need to write this down, so to speak.)

My marriage doesn’t cheapen yours.  My marriage doesn’t affect yours.  In fact, I’ll be frank, my marriage has nothing to do with you.

 My marriage has to do with her.  The woman I love, who I’ve loved for over 10 years.  We’ve been through a lot of crap and we have come out happier and closer than I ever thought possible.  Marriage would be about giving her something that society has taught all women to dream of from the moment we could walk and try on frilly fancy dresses.  But it’s more than that.

 Beyond the desire to walk down an isle in a beautiful white dress, it’s the commitment.  I want to give her a ring, I want to sign the certificate and I want the physical moment of marrying her in front of family and friends.  I want to stand up in front of a room and state in terms that everyone is familiar with that I love this woman and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I want to give that moment to her, her family, her parents, my parents and everyone else around us who’s supported us along the way. 

 Things like taxes, and ownership and legality and such are secondary.  It’s the commitment that is important and I’m pretty sure that - still - none of this has anything to do with the people who say we can’t get married. Marriage is about the commitment between me and her and nothing else.

 So, based on that, why can’t I just marry her now without legal crap?  I mean, technically, we’re planning on having a hand fasting anyway - a Pagan marriage - so why do I even need to have the government’s blessings?  That’s what you’re thinking right?

 Marriage is important, because at its base, it’s the promise to the world that you will care, love and take care of this person in front of you.  I know society has changed and even I’m asking for marriage to change, but at the core, the meaning is still the same.  I want to marry her and swear that I will take care of her.  And in that same vein I don’t want to cheapen my promise in a fake ceremony or something that’s incomplete, because to me it feels like I’m lying.  If the marriage is fake and not recognized, then that just hands haters a way to say ‘you don’t love her, because you can’t give her what she’s supposed to have: a man.’

 I could write all day and make all sorts of anthropological arguments, pro equality arguments and everything else, but I’m not going to.  It’s about that, and at the same time it isn’t.

 The right to marriage is important to me, because I want to give it to her.  It’s important to us.  Because marriage is about the couple, it’s their day.  It would be our day.  Not yours.  It doesn’t affect your day. 

It is our day. We should be able to have that day too.

Uh…

I’m just gonna reblog this and go cry somewhere.  My partner wrote this for me.  I had no idea she was writing this.  I’m just going to marvel over the fact that someone wants to have this with me, you know, since I’m a huge spaz and flail over everything, like, OMG PUPPIES FLAIL!  

But really, all joking aside, this is why this is so important to us.  And it has nothing to do with anyone else but us.  In no way does it cheapen anyone else’s marriage, hell, the only people who will see us get married are the people who love us, so I fail to see how that has anything to do with anyone outside my circle.  

So… yeah I have no more words, she got it all down.

I <3 you snowtigra :)

Oh and good morning to all the new followers of the writing blog.  Um… here, have a wonderfully written letter about equality that’s not written by me but is written to me :)

Reblogging because there’s a lady in love with me  :)

Personal things, feel free to move on until my tumblr returns to being wonderfully geeky.

Keep reading

Since I’m sure you can check my tumblr from wherever you are…

Today’s your birthday!  You would’ve been 42 this year.  I’m still trying to live a good life full of friends, happy things, and success.  I’ve hit a couple of snags on the way – haven’t we all? – but I keep going.  Things have been really tough lately.  Work has turned into a mess and I’ve been terribly stressed and unhappy.  But I have great friends and a wonderful partner who make sure I keep smiling.

You would’ve loved all of them had you gotten the chance to meet them  :)

Things that have happened so far for me, just to get you up to speed:

1.  We’ve had the house for a year.  It’s fantastic and the geek room just keeps getting bigger (your little sister is still a nerd).  Mom still hasn’t been able to see it due to her knee surgery, but hopefully she can make it for Thanksgiving.

2.  Our shop seems to be doing well.  We’ve gone to more conventions, have taken more orders, and continue to try and make unique things.  We have big plans for next year.

3.  I got to go to E3.  It was an amazing trip.  First time I had ever been to L.A. so it was really fun.  

4.  Got more writing jobs, trying to focus on that a lot more.  It’s still the future I want from myself and according to one of my aunts its always been my dream, so no, that part about me hasn’t changed since you passed away.  Now it’s just a matter of it taking off.  

5.  I’m being serious about the writing thing, I even have an original story that’s 200 pages and still going.  It’s almost done!  Though I have a feeling you’ve been reading over my shoulder this entire time.

6.  A lot of my friends have inspired me to pursue this creative path.  One of my friends has a book agent now, another friend’s husband has just opened his own game shop, just many components that make me want to focus on things like this.

7.  My birthday was in July, lol, but you knew that already.  I’m 29 now, so not quite your little sister, but still younger than you old man  :)

So yeah, that’s it.  Um… yeah, Happy Birthday to you.  All of us miss you terribly.  I’m sad that you’re not here, that you haven’t been able to meet my friends or see the house or hear me gush about things like going to E3 and stuff (which I think you would’ve loved, I imagine that you may have been a gamer nerd, too, maybe?  Or into anime or something like me.  I remember us watching cartoons all the time so your geekiness may have been inevitable).  I just… miss you.  But I know you’re somewhere watching, making comments, maybe even boasting about your awesome baby sister (but you shouldn’t, I’m not THAT awesome, you’re just biased).

Take care.

Love,

Me  :)